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October 24, 2005

PFW:  Starring Drew Bledsoe as Vinny Testaverde...

I should've known better than to trust my PFWs to those old, lame-assed retread quarterbacks known as "Bill's guys"...

Arlington Heights 48, Polytechnic 7
TCU 48, Air Force 10
Oklahoma 37, Baylor 30 (2OT)
LSU 20, Auburn 17 (OT)
Dallas 10, Seattle Sea-hags 13

Memo to Coach Duke Christian:  Only  48-7?  Wyatt beat the shit out of those kids 70-3 last week, and the best you can do is 48-7?

...

Auburn contracted a case of LoCoco Syndrome - their kicker missed five field goal attempts, including one with less than a minute to go in regulation that would have won it for Auburn - then hit the upright on what would have been the tying FG in overtime to allow LSU to escape.

"About three of the kicks tonight, when I hit them I thought they were good. I got a little unlucky and they went right or left," Vaughn said. "The last one tonight, I thought I hit it pretty good and when I looked up I knew I was probably going to need a little bit of luck right there."

Oops.

...

Did I nearly call it, or what?  Baylor just about made a prophet out of me (pun semi-intended) in coming > < this close to beating OU.

That was how much a fourth-down pass from Shawn Bell missed his receiver's hands, else we still might be playing.

...

Guess I shouldn't have worried about TCU, huh?  Air Force kept it close for the first quarter and part of the second, but a punt block by TCU's Jesse Hejny set the Frogs up at the AF 21; four plays later, Jeff Ballard, after having hit Cory Rodgers with an 18-yard pass down to the one, sneaked in to give TCU a 21-10 lead with under five minutes to play in the first half.  Air Force didn't challenge from that point on.

...

I've seen enough of the Bill Parcells era.  I've seen enough of that fat-assed gym teacher and the old, dilapidated, half-assed retreads he brings in here to quarterback this team because they're "his guys".  I've seen enough of his three-yards-and-a-cloud-of-dust offense where you can predict what his teams are going to run blindfolded.  And I'm SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of the asshelmeted excuses-for-quarterbacks that he brings in throwing away the (#%*_@!_!!!!!! game!!!!!

Once again, Billy-boy Parcells conjured up a close-to-the-vest game plan that refused to take advantage of an opponents' depleted secondary. And once again, it bit him on his fat ass, thanks in large part to his fucking retread quarterback throwing the interception that led directly to the game-winning field goal for Seattle and that fat-assed fuckface of a coach, Mike Holmgren.

Third and four from the five, Bledsoe the Stiff-ass bootlegs right.  Makes it down to the two.  Fourth and one, quarterback sneak gets you the first, where you'd have four shots at the goal.

Parcells kicks the fucking field goal.  You go for the touchdown, you get it, you win the game.  You don't get any points out of it, it's not going to fucking matter anyway.

And a quick memo to Mike Zimmer and his sorry-assed defense:  FOOTBALL GAMES ARE SIXTY MINUTES LONG, YOU DUMBASSES!!!

The Cowgirls' swiss-cheese defense lets the Seahags drive 89 yards down the field to tie the game in the last two minutes (after having held the Sea-hags to a field goal for the first 58), whereupon Bledsoe the Stiff throws an interception TO A FUCKING RESERVE CORNERBACK and lets him run 24 yards so that Josh Brown can kick a fucking 50-yard field goal with five seconds left to win the damned game.

If Jerry Jones wasn't such a limp-wristed pansy, he'd have fired Bill Parcells on the spot in Seattle and made him walk his fat ass all the way back to fucking Noo Joisey.

As it is, this franchise won't go anywhere as long as the Arkansas hick owns it.  Cowboy fans might as well get used to shitty football until Owner Jethro (hat tip:  Gil LeBreton of the Fort Worth Star-Telegram) decides he's done playing with his toy.

The PFW will return Friday for another shot.

Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at October 24, 2005 08:05 AM

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Posted by: Elephant Man at October 25, 2005 03:29 AM