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August 31, 2006
PFW: Don't take it personally, Guy... (snicker)
Awright, Denizens - time to crank it up for real.
The Perfect Football Weekend™ launches in grand style for what they call "Week 0" in Texas "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there) football parlance - basically Week 1.
No, don't ask me why they do it that way. I don't know.
Anyway, if it's "Week 0", it must be Azle for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. Heights opened last season with the Hornets, winning 24-21. (And, they closed with them, as well, losing 8-19 - but we won't talk about that, will we? (sigh)) Give me Heights and four.
The Cowboys are at home against the Minnehaha ViQueens as I write this, and the over/under is five lap dances.
Also tonight, the University of Buffalo Bulls are at home vs. Temple in Turner Gill's coaching debut. Vegas has Buffalo -6½, so we'll see.
Saturday, Pat Sullivan and the University of Alabama at Birmingham become the sacrificial lamb at Norman as they take on the Oklahoma Sooners. We trust that the Sooners won't lay an Opening Day egg again this year. I'll take the Sooners; you can have 21.
Sunday, the TCU Horned Frogs set out to prove that last year wasn't a fluke when they travel to Waco to play the Baylor Bears. Baylor coach Guy Morriss (a TCU alum) has already fired the first shots, saying about TCU coach Gary Patterson:
"Walk past him, and the hair on the back of my neck stands up.""When he's around, my skin crawls."
"He likes to hear himself talk. And he talks a lot."
Gee, Guy. I mean, just because Patterson's done something you've never done...*cough*beatIowaStateandOU*cough*... 
Still, Baylor's at home, and Vegas has them as a touchdown favorite over the Frogs. I'm hoping it might be closer, but: 1) TCU doesn't play ex-SWC opponents well, and 2) the last time TCU won 11 games in a season, they followed up with a clunker at 5-6.
Needless to say, I'd not watch this one, dreading what I think's gonna happen...except I have a ticket to the game, courtesy of the Sibling Unit™, so my happy ass will be down there with the rest of the Frog faithful.
We're back Sunday evening (probably from a pizza place in Waco) for the recap.
Posted by sgc284 at 07:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 30, 2006
RCOB moment
It's a damned good thing I wasn't here today.
I'd've been thrown in jail, and the toe-tag manufacturers would have had their supplies depleted.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 29, 2006
PFW: T.O.? What's a T.O.?
Terrell who?
at Carolina 19, Miami 10
at Philadelphia 16, Pittsburgh 7
at Dallas 17, San Transexual Fairy Whiners 7
at Denver 17, Houston 14
at Cincinnati 48, Green Bay 17
Philadelphia proved they have a better backup quarterback than Pittsburgh. He should be - he was only the Whiners' starting QB two years ago.
...
Carolina's defense made Daunte Culpepper's life a living hell Friday night. I'd say they're ready for the season.
...
Denver beat Houston. So what else is new? (yawn)
...
Conventional wisdom holds that Dallas has one of the worst, if not the worst, offensive lines in the league.
Screw that. This clump of pork meat in Green Bay is gonna have Brett Favre wishing desperately he hadn't come back this year. I'm here to tell you that that line is gonna get Favre killed.
...
Speaking of the Cowboys, yet another nice effort from the defense, and another sharp performance by the first-team offensive unit. Bledsoe's looking good, which makes you wonder how good they can be if/when "The Player" comes back.
Parcells is complaining that his defensive unit isn't getting enough work. Two schools of thought on this: 1) if this keeps up, conditioning will be a problem, especially early when games are played in hot conditions, and 2) they keep performing like this, and the offense keeps churning out 2:1 ball control, and they won't need it; the less the defense is on the field, the less the opposing offense can score.
Whichever, it's gratifying to see this team playing so well. Maybe it's the level of competition - N'awlins & San Transexual won't exactly set the world on fire this year - but they did this to Seattle too, and that gives cause for hope. Get this team together, healthy and on the same page, and there's no telling what could be.
The PFW cranks up for real Thursday. The Cowboys have one exhibition game left, but they start playing for keeps in "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there) and college. There's even a mini-roadtrip planned - more on that later.
Strap in. This year's gonna be fun!
Posted by sgc284 at 10:19 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 28, 2006
Karr set free
Well, look at it this way: He got a nice plane ride, champagne & caviar out of it. All at taxpayer expense, don'tcha know?
(And if you ask me, his punishment for this child-porn case they're nailing him for now should be 48 hours in general - say, at Rahway in Joisey.
With bonus points if he makes it past the first six.) 
UPDATE: And be sure not to miss His Ragingness' take on the whole thing. Worth your time.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 27, 2006
How dare a candidate be...(gasp!) religious???
Oh, well, that ties it. Katherine Harris cannot possibly be qualified to hold public office.
She came out in favor of a morality-based government.
U.S. Rep. Katherine Harris told a religious journal that separation of church and state is "a lie" and God and the nation's founding fathers did not intend the country be "a nation of secular laws."The Florida Republican candidate for U.S. Senate also said that if Christians are not elected, politicians will "legislate sin," including abortion and gay marriage.
That would be the next step, 'tis true. They've been forcing it upon us through the auspices of judicial fiat for some 35 years now.
Harris made the comments - which she clarified Saturday - in the Florida Baptist Witness, the weekly journal of the Florida Baptist State Convention, which interviewed political candidates and asked them about religion and their positions on issues.Separation of church and state is "a lie we have been told," Harris said in the interview, published Thursday, saying separating religion and politics is "wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers."
"If you're not electing Christians, then in essence you are going to legislate sin," Harris said.
Well, sounds like she's bang-on right so far. Which means we can expect the knee-jerk reaction from the secular humanist fucksticks in 5...4...3...2...
Her comments drew criticism, including some from fellow Republicans who called them offensive and not representative of the party.
Yep, right on time. Apparently these dimbulbs have forgotten the words of John Adams, who said - and I quote: "We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our Constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other"
Memo to those "fellow Republicans": Your asinine claims that Harris' beliefs are "offensive" and "not representative of the party" will no doubt come as a shock to the millions of Christians in Flyover Country™. You know, the ones who are about to vote your skanky asses out of office because you've misplaced your spine where those matters are concerned?
Rep. Debbie Wasserman Schultz, D-Fla., who is Jewish, told the Orlando Sentinel that she was "disgusted" by the comments.
Yeah, well, most of us are disgusted that you continue to waste our oxygen, you Demoscummic dipshit - so I guess we're even, aren't we?
Harris' campaign released a statement Saturday saying she had been "speaking to a Christian audience, addressing a common misperception that people of faith should not be actively involved in government."The comments reflected "her deep grounding in Judeo-Christian values," the statement said, adding that Harris had previously supported pro-Israel legislation and legislation recognizing the Holocaust.
Now I gotta admit - this bugs me. Why issue a "clarification" on anything? Say what you mean, mean what you say, and if the leering press bleats about it, simply respond, "I said what I said, I stand by it, and if that doesn't meet with your approval...too damned bad. Next question?"
The squawkers down there need to be disabused of their little delusion of self-importance, if you ask me. The lapdogs down there are trying to be the next Woodward & Bernstein, when the lot of 'em are barely qualifed to write puff pieces for the Home & Garden section.
Harris' opponents in the GOP primary also gave interviews to the Florida Baptist Witness but made more general statements on their faith.
Which is why I wouldn't give two shits for whatever ability they thought they had to represent me. I want my representatives to have this trivial little thing called a spine, y'know?
Sorry I don't live in Florida, Katherine. I'd vote for you.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:46 PM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
August 26, 2006
Why do I suddenly feel old?
The SpatulaGoddess alerts us to this blurb she found on StrangeCosmos. It's below the fold should you not wish to click the link.
FOR THE CLASS OF 2010Members of the class of 2010, entering college this fall, were mostly born in 1988. For them: Billy Carter, Lucille Ball, Gilda Radner, Billy Martin, Andy Gibb, and Secretariat have always been dead.
1. The Soviet Union has never existed and therefore is about as scary as the student union.
2. They have known only two presidents.
3. For most of their lives, major U.S. airlines have been bankrupt.
4. Manuel Noriega has always been in jail in the U.S.
5. They have grown up getting lost in "big boxes."
6. There has always been only one Germany.
7.They have never heard anyone actually "ring it up" on a cash register.
8. They are wireless, yet always connected.
9. A stained blue dress is as famous to their generation as a third-rate burglary was to their parents'.
10. Thanks to pervasive headphones in the back seat, parents have always been able to speak freely in the front.
11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake.
12. Smoking has never been permitted on U.S. airlines.
13. Faux fur has always been a necessary element of style.
14. The Moral Majority has never needed an organization.
15. They have never had to distinguish between the St. Louis Cardinals baseball and football teams.
16. DNA fingerprinting has always been admissible evidence in court.
17. They grew up pushing their own miniature shopping carts in the supermarket.
18. They grew up with and have outgrown faxing as a means of communication.
19. "Google" has always been a verb.
20. Text messaging is their email.
21. Milli Vanilli has never had anything to say.
22. Mr. Rogers, not Walter Cronkite, has always been the most trusted man in America.
23. Bar codes have always been on everything, from library cards and snail mail to retail items.
24. Madden has always been a game, not a Superbowl-winning coach.
25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway.
26. "Boogers" candy has always been a favorite for grossing out parents.
27. There has never been a "skyhook" in the NBA.
28. Carbon copies are oddities found in their grandparents' attics.
29. Computerized player pianos have always been tinkling in the lobby.
30. Non-denominational mega-churches have always been the fastest growing religious organizations in the U.S.
31. They grew up in mini-vans.
32. Reality shows have always been on television.
33. They have no idea why we needed to ask "...can we all get along?"
34. They have always known that "In the criminal justice system the people have been represented by two separate yet equally important groups."
35. Young women's fashions have never been concerned with where the waist is.
36. They have rarely mailed anything using a stamp.
37. Brides have always worn white for a first, second, or third wedding.
38. Being techno-savvy has always been inversely proportional to age.
39. "So" as in "Sooooo New York," has always been a drawn-out adjective modifying a proper noun, which in turn modifies something else
40. Affluent troubled teens in Southern California have always been the subjects of television series.
41. They have always been able to watch wars and revolutions live on television.
42. Ken Burns has always been producing very long documentaries on PBS.
43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.
44. Retin-A has always made America look less wrinkled.
45. Green tea has always been marketed for health purposes.
46. Public school officials have always had the right to censor school newspapers.
47. Small white holiday lights have always been in style.
48. Most of them never had the chance to eat bad airline food.
49. They have always been searching for "Waldo."
50. The really rich have regularly expressed exuberance with outlandish birthday parties.
51. Michael Moore has always been showing up uninvited.
52. They never played the game of state license plates in the car.
53. They have always preferred going out in groups as opposed to dating.
54. There have always been live organ donors.
55. They have always had access to their own credit cards.
56. They have never put their money in a "Savings & Loan."
57. Sara Lee has always made underwear.
58. Bad behavior has always been getting captured on amateur videos.
59. Disneyland has always been in Europe and Asia.
60. They never saw Bernard Shaw on CNN.
61. Beach volleyball has always been a recognized sport.
62. Acura, Lexus, and Infiniti have always been luxury cars of choice.
63. Television stations have never concluded the broadcast day with the national anthem.
64. LoJack transmitters have always been finding lost cars.
65. Diane Sawyer has always been live in Prime Time.
66. Dolphin-free canned tuna has always been on sale.
67. Disposable contact lenses have always been available.
68. "Outing" has always been a threat.
69. Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss has always been the perfect graduation gift.
70. They have always "dissed" what they don't like.
71. The U.S. has always been studying global warming to confirm its existence.
72. Richard M. Daley has always been the Mayor of Chicago.
73. They grew up with virtual pets to feed, water, and play games with, lest they die.
74. Ringo Starr has always been clean and sober.
75. Professional athletes have always competed in the Olympics.
Suddenly I feel awfully damned old... 
Posted by sgc284 at 09:58 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
August 25, 2006
Pluto, not a planet? My ass.
Scientists, if you ask me - and I know you didn't, but humor me, mkay? - are the type of folks that you just love to hate. They always think they know more than you do simply because they've dissected more frogs than you or made a liquid change color in a test tube.
And granted - perhaps they do have a better chance of passing an SAT than do you or I. But then they have to get really pissy about it and flaunt it. Makes you just wanna shove a pocket protector up their asses, y'know? 
But now here comes a group of "scientists" - and really, who appointed these elitist snots, anyway? - saying that we may no longer consider the planet Pluto to be a planet.
Pluto, beloved by some as a cosmic underdog but scorned by astronomers who considered it too dinky and distant, was unceremoniously stripped of its status as a planet Thursday.
"Dinky and distant"? That'll come as a real shock to Eminiar VII and Vendikar. 
The International Astronomical Union, dramatically reversing course just a week after floating the idea of reaffirming Pluto's planethood and adding three new planets to Earth's neighborhood, downgraded the ninth rock from the sun in historic new galactic guidelines.
Translation: "Pluto just isn't sexy enough for us. Mentioning Pluto to Tyra Banks is a real date killer. Not that we'd ever know what that was like. A date, we mean."
Pluto, a planet since 1930, got the boot because it didn't meet the new rules, which say a planet not only must orbit the sun and be large enough to assume a nearly round shape, but must "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." That disqualifies Pluto, whose oblong orbit overlaps Neptune's, downsizing the solar system to eight planets from the traditional nine.[...]
Pluto and objects like it will be known as "dwarf planets," which raised some thorny questions about semantics: If a raincoat is still a coat, and a cell phone is still a phone, why isn't a dwarf planet still a planet?
I'm throwing the bullshit flag on this one: Fucking around with the universe, trying to play God again, 98 million mile penalty, loss of down. You people are the same types that are trying to BS us about men coming from apes, and I'm still not buying that one.
Our solar system has at least nine planets, maybe more. That's what I was taught, that's what I'll continue to believe. As for you "scientists"...I'd sooner vote to drop you asshats from the list of people not considered total boobs.
Sheesh.
Posted by sgc284 at 11:51 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 24, 2006
PFW: Well, that didn't take long...
When Widdle Terri Owens put a pen to a Cowboys contract, local wags here started a pool on just when he'd start acting like the asshole he is.
Some postulated that he'd wait until the bonuses kicked in during the contract's second year, as has been his pattern whereever he's gone. Other, more cynical pundits didn't think it'd take that long, noting that Bill Parcells is a harder-assed coach than either Andy "Fat Ass" Reid or Stevie "How about a nice round of Kum Ba Yah?" Mariucci, Widdle Terri's previous two bosses.
At issue, as it has been for weeks now, is when, if ever, Owens will quit using his hamstring tweak as an excuse not to practice. He has ruled himself out for Saturday night’s preseason game with San Francisco at Texas Stadium, the third Cowboys’ preseason game he’s skipped, and hinted strongly that he might not make another appearance in a Dallas uniform before the season opener in Jacksonville Sept. 10.That news prompted a quick response from Parcells when he addressed the media Wednesday.
“I wouldn’t put a player out there if I haven’t seen him practice,” Big Bill deadpanned.
As it damned well should be. This isn't a game of 11-on-10-and-here's-one-guy-out-here-doing-his-own-thing. This is a team sport - you play as a team, and you damned well practice as a team, too.
But in this test of two very strong wills, t.o. (I refuse to even capitalize his initials) isn’t flinching.“If he wants to see something,” Owens said of Parcells, “he has 10 years of film he can go back and look on.”
Yeah, you dumb shit. He has 10 years of you running routes in that limp-wristed, pansy-assed, two-yard-dump-and-run-away West Coast Offense.
Last I checked, we didn't run the WCO here. (Granted, I'm not sure what the Hell™ we do run - but we tried the WCO once, and figured out a way to fuck it up. Then again, it was Bruce Coslet coordinating it...but I digress.)
The routes aren't the same, the blocking schemes aren't the same, the blitz-pickup-packages aren't the same...need I go on?
What happens, Widdle Terri, the first time a play calls for you to run an out route, and you fall back into your pansy-assed WCO habits and run a crossing route? Hmmm?
Now get your ugly ass back out on the field, and be damned glad I'm not the coach, or you'd have a lot more to worry about than your hammy - courtesy of the meanest, baddest-assed lineman I had.
Let's get to this week's games. Miami's Dolphins will tackle the Panthers in Carolina tonight on Fox; Pittsburgh & Philadelphia stage their annual cross-state preseason rivalry in the City of Brotherly Shove tomorrow night on ESPN; Houston travels to Denver to play the Broncos Sunday night on the NFL Network, and it'll be Favre vs. Palmer as Green Bay goes to Cincinnati Monday night.
Saturday night, the Cowboys are at home against the San Transexual Fairy Whiners, which is a good time to give a shout-out to all the guys over at the 49er Haters Society (formerly at www.49erhaters.com)...except they seem to not exist anymore.
Pity.
Anyway, with a year under his belt, Alex Smith should pose a stronger test for the Cowboy defense than what they've seen the last two weeks. It'll be interesting to see.
We're back Tuesday for something resembling a recap. It's your turn now to ramble on incoherently about your teams, so get busy.
Posted by sgc284 at 06:59 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
August 22, 2006
PFW: Fumbling away a golden opportunity
So much for Tony Romo's bid to become the Cowboys' starting quarterback.
at New York Football Giants 17, Kansas City 0
at Chicago 24, San Diego 3
at New England 30, Arizona 3
Seattle 30, at Indianapolis 17
Dallas 30, New Orleans 7
Not much to tell concerning the other three games. KC looked like they wished the preseason was over with already in losing to the Giants. Phillip Rivers received his official "welcome to the NFL, rookie" papers at the hands of "da Bears"; New England did likewise to Matt Leinart in the Pats' thrashing of the Cards. Indy tried to make a game of it with the Seahawks, but Shawn King simply isn't Peyton Manning.
Neither is Tony Romo, but he's still a damned sight better than Drew Bledsoe. However, Bledsoe looked extremely sharp in dissecting the Saints, who still have a ton of work to do under new coach Sean Payton.
Romo looked good, too, tossing a 48-yard pass-catch-run to Miles Austin. But he tried to do too much on one play when the protection broke down, and lost the ensuing fumble. N'awlins scored five plays later, which pretty much ensured Romo would be holding a clipboard again this season.
The defense looked every bit as good as they did last week in throttling the Saints' offense. This is likely the Cowboys' best defense since the JJohnson days, and it'll be exciting to see how many quarterbacks shit their pants at having to face it (he said with fingers definitely crossed).
The PFW returns in a couple days.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:04 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 21, 2006
Daffynitions
I don't have time to write about diddly squat these days (well, except for PFWs 
), which is why I depend on the Denizens to keep me hip-deep in Grab-bag™ stuff.
LC, IB & Denizen Lady Heather, to this end, is responsible for tonight's gem:
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the 2005 winners:
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
11. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
12. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
13. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you
14. Glibido: All talk and no action.
15. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
16. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
17. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
18. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners are:
1. coffee, n. the person upon whom one coughs.
2. flabbergasted, adj. appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3 abdicate, v. to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. willy-nilly, adj. impotent.
6. negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7 lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
8. gargoyle, n. olive-flavored-mouthwash.
9. flatulence, n. emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. balderdash, n. a rapidly receding hairline.
11. testicle, n. a humorous question on an exam.
12. rectitude, n. the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. pokemon, n. a Rastafarian proctologist.
14. oyster, n. a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. circumvent, n. an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 18, 2006
Taylor: Another candidate for the Swing Set™
Denizens, I'd love to pontificate at length about how piss-poor of a judge Anna Diggs Taylor is, or how her half-baked decision that a sitting Commander-in-Chief has to be hand-held by a FISA court in order to prosecute a war - a FISA court, I might add, that can't get out of the way of its own ass half the time. I'd love to tell you about how this bitch is a Peanuthead appointee, and about how it's yet more proof that nothing good came out of that half-assed excuse-for-a-Presidency except its end.
Happily, Patterico's already beaten me to it - here, here, and with further mocking of the crock o' shit decision here and here.
I will, though, say this: If this decision, either directly or indirectly, leads to another attack on the United States of America - certain folks had best run & find a damned good hiding place.
And that's all I'll say about that.
Posted by sgc284 at 11:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 17, 2006
PFW: Went to a fight and a baseball game broke out...
In keeping with tradition, another Perfect Football Weekend™ kicks off - it being perfect simply because they're playing.
But if I may divulge from f'ball for just a moment (I'm going to anyway, so deal with it (grin)), I would say that if the stRangers played like this more often, I wouldn't be looking forward to preseason football so much. Y'know?
Anyway, Kansas City travels to Joisey to play the New York Football Giants this evening, Chicago will host L.T. and the San Diego Chargers tomorrow night, New England hosts the Arizona Cardinals Saturday (NFL Network, so I doubt I'll get to see any of it), Seattle's at Indy Sunday evening, and the Cowboys travel to Shreveport Monday night to play the Saints and see if Reggie Bush is really all that and a bag of chips.
We're back Tuesday with the recap. Anyone have any preseason smack to talk?
Posted by sgc284 at 07:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 16, 2006
Prayer request
I'm currently fixing a PC for a customer (the first of the year for the side business (groan)), so not much time to talk about anything. I do have an idea as to why the Israel-Hezzbollocks war turned out the way it did; hopefully I'll have time to bang it out before the story becomes yesterday's news.
In the meantime, we find out from Misha that our good friend Delftsman is back in the hospital.
The Realm™ extends its prayers, and the Denizens will, too. Won't you, Denizens? (glares somewhat)
Thatisall™.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:13 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 14, 2006
PFW: Doomsday III...?
Even if the Cowboys hadn't been playing, it would have been a Perfect Football Weekend™ - simply for the fact that anyone was playing at all. 
at Atlanta 26, New England 23
Dallas 13, at Seattle 3
at Cincinnati 19, Washington 3
Oakland 16, at Minnesota 13
Adam Vinateri kicks for Indianapolis now, else this one would have gone into the books as a tie.
---
Instead of settling for the field goal - and overtime - Minnesota went for the win at home and got picked off in the end zone on the last play of the game. Memo to Tony Kornheiser: Degree Solid anti-perspirant.
---
I gotta get used to Sunday Night Football being on NBC this year. Only caught the last 31 seconds of this one.
Clinton Portis hurt his shoulder and may miss the start of the regular season. The guess from here is that he saw the Cowboy defense on Saturday night and had to hurry to think of an excuse not to face 'em.
---
Speaking of the Cowboy defense...whoa. In previous years, Doomsday had been good by being very fast. The flip side of that was that they had to be small to accomplish that, which meant they got pushed around a lot.
That ain't gonna happen this year.
The Cowboy 3-4 defense under Bill Parcells is not only going to be fast...it's going to be big, as well. This is potentially Parcells' best defense since the Giant units that featured Lawrence Taylor.
When you have Demarcus Ware at right outside linebacker, and former defensive end Greg Ellis at left outside linebacker outplays him...you've got something. You heard it here first - there's going to be a pass rush in Dallas this year. Bank on it.
Tony Romo played the entire game for Dallas, and no quarterback has done that in a preseason game since John Elway back in '89 or so.
Whether it's because they need to get a handle on what kind of player Romo can be (this is his contract year, and they'd like to know what they have in him)...or whether Parcells is just lining up his p's and q's in advance of naming him the starter, we don't know. One thing's for sure - though the offensive line played adequately, Romo still had to do a little improv on the run; thankfully, he handled it well.
Much better than Bledsoe would have, in fact - which does tend to make the average Cowboy aficionado wonder a bit.
The preseason PFW will return Friday or so, once we figure out if Sean Payton intends on leaving Reggie Bush on the sidelines on 4th-and-2.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:35 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 13, 2006
The Perfect Football Weekend™: Overview
The Perfect Football Weekend™ returns for 2006 with new teams, new attitude and new optimism that I might experience a few more PFWs this year.
For those of you who are new here, this is how we roll: A Perfect Football Weekend™ (PFW for short) is one where all the teams I follow - be they "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there), college or pro - win their games on a given weekend.
(For the record, no - I don't give a shit about your teams. Use the comments section of a PFW thread to talk your own smack. Even you leftist fucks at the Church of the SubTarded are welcome here to talk f'ball, provided you behave yourselves, and provided I haven't banned your skanky asses previously.)
We'll be following six teams this year - one HS, four college and the Dallas Cowboys. (Well, okay - two HS. (grin))
1. My high school alma mater - the (Ft. Worth) Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets. Heights has made the playoffs the last couple of years, only to be bounced in the first round each time by teams they should have beaten. Not that Coach Duke Christian is in any sort of trouble or anything, but I for one would like to see a little better than one-and-done.
2. The college football team I grew up with - the TCU Horned Frogs. Given up for dead, a) after a 5-6 campaign the year before, and b) after a devastatingly embarrassing loss to cross-town rival SMUT in Game 2, the Tadpoles rallied under coach Gary Patterson to finish 11-1 with a 27-24 victory over Iowa State in the Houston Bowl on New Year's Eve (a game that, yes, I'm pleased to say I went to).
TCU has a fresh surge of optimism going into this year, but they also have a hellaciously tougher schedule than last year, starting with Baylor in Waco on the Sunday night of Labor Day weekend, and also including Texas Tech, who mauled them in Lubbock, 35-70, back in 2004. Plus, they went undefeated in Mountain West Conference play last year, so several MWC teams will be a-gunning.
3. The Oklahoma Sooners. The preferred team of the SpatulaGoddess, and led by a coach whom I once thought of as highly arrogant, Bob Stoops. Stoops has toned it down somewhat in recent years, revealing himself as a man who is simply driven to win - the kind of coach the Realm™ appreciates. OU just got rid of its starting quarterback (Rhett Bomar) for alleged NCAA violations concerning pay he received for work he didn't do, so it's back to the quarterback (Paul Thompson) who started last year's opening-day loss to TCU. Here's hoping OU recovers.
4. The LSU Tigers. They still employ Bo Pelini as their defensive coordinator, and I'm still of the opinion that Pelini should be the Nebraska Cornhuskers' head coach, instead of the incompetent boob that's there now (Bill Callahan). I follow any team Pelini toils for, which is why LSU's on the list.
5. The University of Buffalo Bulls (not to be confused with the Buffalo Bills). The Bulls are coached by a guy named Turner Gill. Folks will recognize the former Nebraska quarterback who helped coach the Huskers to three national championships. The six-degrees-of-separation here is that I went to school with Turner, and know him from my days in the basketball program (he was automatic from the wing - had they had the three-point shot in those days, he might have had a stellar college/NBA career).
According to their own Web site, it's a fledgling program, so we may make an allowance here and use the Vegas line in deciding the outcome of Bull games. We'll have to see.
6. The Dallas Cowboys. Bill Parcells & Jerry Jones have worked tirelessly on rebuilding the team in the image of Parcells' New York Football Giants, which relied on mistake-free offensive football and an ass-kicking, take-no-prisoners defense.
As you all know by now, they've signed Widdle Terri Owens to play wide reciver, and his presence alone automatically makes the Cowboys a legitimate cotender for the NFL chapionship. But they've quietly constructed a defense that comes close to rivaling the old Doomsday defenses of the '70s and '90s. In the second year of Parcells' grand 3-4 experiment, Dallas has managed to get roughly 10% bigger while not sacrificing too much of the speed for which Jimmy Johnson's defenses were renowned. Rookie Chris Carpenter will join second-year player Demarcus Ware in forming a linebacking corps that should get to opposing quarterbacks early & often.
The only questions remain on the offensive line and at quaterback. As in, will the former be able to block well enough to keep the latter from getting killed. Drew Bledsoe, never fleet afoot to begin with, is another year and a few more hard-slams-to-the-turf older. It's probably time for backup Tony Romo to start warming up in the bullpen, because if the O-line doesn't get much better than it was last year (although Parcells has been raving about the newly-constructed body of right tackle Rob Pettiti of late), Bledsoe will not be able to survive another full season.
The running game is suspect, as usual with this line, but perhaps the arrival of perpetual troublemaker Owens will take some pressure off of it. That's if he ever makes it back to the field - Widdle Terri's been suffering from a strained hammy lately. Or maybe he just hates camp. (shrug)
The prediction from here: 10-6, a wild-card berth and perhaps a spot in the NFC Championship Game. And yes, you can hold me to that.
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There you go, Denizens. For a Perfect Football Weekend™ to occur, all six of these teams must win their game on any given weekend, although we may let the U. of Buffalo slide a bit if they can at least cover the spread. (Teams that are off will not count against the PFW.) PFWs will go on as long as I have at least one team still playing (i.e, hopefully into January '07).
When you see a PFW post (you'll know it when you do), you are cordially invited to extol the virtues of your own favorite teams in the comments section - PFW posts will be considered an "open thread" relating to the great game of football, our favorite pastime in the Realm™.
Therefore, Denizens, let's get to work. Who'll volunteer to bring the beer for the tailgating?
Posted by sgc284 at 11:41 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 11, 2006
Kitchen to the Anti-War Whore™: Get out
How's the old saying go? "If you can't stand the heat..."
WACO - Anti-war demonstrator Cindy Sheehan was hospitalized Friday evening for dehydration and exhaustion after fasting for more than a month and protesting earlier this week in 100-degree weather, friends and relatives said.Sheehan was listed in stable condition at Providence Health Center in Waco. Brenda Mauk, a nursing supervisor, declined to say what Sheehan was being treated for and declined to release additional information.
Sheehan was taken to the Waco hospital after friends picked her up Friday afternoon at the Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport, where she arrived after spending several days in Seattle at the Veterans for Peace Convention, said Tiffany Burns, Sheehan's friend and a member of Code Pink.
Sheehan, who has been on a liquid diet as part of the nationwide "Troops Home Fast" hunger strike, was treated and released from a Seattle emergency room Thursday night. On doctors orders, she ate for the first time in about 37 days, Burns said.
Sheehan was to spend Friday night in the Waco hospital but planned to attend some war protest activities Saturday at the 5-acre lot she bought last month in Crawford, in President Bush's adopted hometown, about 20 miles from Waco.
Sheehan kicked off her summer war protest Sunday, the one-year anniversary of her first anti-war demonstration in Crawford that attracted more than 10,000 people over the 26 days.
"She's in good spirits, but she's sad she can't be at Camp Casey," Burns told The Associated Press on Friday night, referring to the campsite named for her soldier son Casey who was killed in Iraq in 2004.
God bless Global Warming™.
Posted by sgc284 at 11:34 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 10, 2006
Kiss my white cracker ass, John-boy McFuckhead
You may have noticed a slight change to the sidebar. (Read down a few posts - you prob'ly need to, anyway. (grin))
See that little red icon there above the counter? That's courtesy of the redoubtable Mr. Kim duToit, and he has invited those of us who think similarly to likewise display said icon in our own environs.
Don't like my free speech, Senator McManchurian? Come do something about it, you socialist-humping freak.
Thatisall™.
Posted by sgc284 at 05:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 09, 2006
"Please, Mr. Oilman, may I have another?"
What with Prudhoe Bay (and the resulting spike in gas prices) being in the news and all this week, the Mothergoose thought it an appropriate time to send us this...
Ayup...
Posted by sgc284 at 05:28 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 08, 2006
And now...some Good News™
The Department of Righteous Shootings™ weighs in with this tale about a goblin who got a liiiiiiitle more than he bargained for:
A clerk at a Southeast Dallas convenience store shot and wounded a man who attempted to rob the store Monday night, police said.A clerk inside Mr. C’s Food Store in the 3700 block of Simpson Stuart Road shot the man around 9:15 p.m. after he asked for money while keeping one hand in his pocket, Dallas police Sgt. Gil Cerda said.
“He walked in, grabbed several candy bars and walked to the counter stating, ‘I’ll take the money too,’” Sgt. Cerda said.
Gee, got no nickel here. How about some lead instead?
Police said the man, whose name was not released, remained at Baylor University Medical Center Tuesday in critical condition.
Shoulda stuck with the candy, goblin. Tastes a little sweeter, y'know? 
Posted by sgc284 at 12:37 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 07, 2006
Can Megalon be far behind?
For your Monday-morning pick'm up, we'll point you back to the now-infamous Reuters photoshop:
Now, Reuters tried to convince us all that it was the Jooooooooooooooooooooos behind this, but the good folks over at Slublog came up with the real culprit, as shown below:
That damned lizard - we never could trust 'im...
Posted by sgc284 at 06:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 06, 2006
Islamofascist Darwin Award candidate
(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess.)
Shame we can't put generic Paleoswinians on Emperor Misha's dead pool, else he'd be cleaning up RightAboutNow™:
QUETTA, Pakistan — A suicide bomber was killed early Sunday in southwestern Pakistan when the explosives belt he was wearing exploded prematurely, police said.No one else was injured in the blast in Hub, an industrial town in Baluchistan province, local police official Munir Hussain said.
"This man was riding a cycle. He had strapped explosives to his body for a suicide attack and they exploded," Hussain said of the blast in Hub's Zehri Street neighborhood.
Ah...whoops.
Posted by sgc284 at 05:29 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
August 05, 2006
Powering back up
[SCENE: The bridge of the Pegasus. The doors open with a swoosh and in staggers Chief Engineer Merlin, leaning heavily on Executive Officer Korrioth for support. Despite that, Merlin nearly manages to collapse to the deck a couple of times before coming to a stop at Lord Spatula's command chair and straightening himself. He struggles to enunciate coherently for His Rudeness™.]
MERLIN: Re...repa...repairs on the main computer complete, m'Lord. (cough)
LSIK&T: About damned time too, I'd say...wait. Where'd you get all those bumps on your noggin?
MERLIN: K...Korrioth... (wheeze)
KORRIOTH: He needed...encouragement.
LSIK&T: (shakes head) Korrioth, how many times have I told you to thump him with your thumb only when you did that???
KORRIOTH: I did.
LSIK&T: How many times...?
KORRIOTH: (grunt)
LSIK&T: That's what I thought. Station, please, Commander.
KORRIOTH: Hmf. (trudges off)
LSIK&T: Merlin, it's probably time you promoted McCool and took that vacation you keep telling me about. Go pick your best cadet from the academy and have Ozy start training him, mkay?
MERLIN: Th...th...thank you eternally, m'Lord. Shall I inform him?
LSIK&T: That won't be necessary, my friend. (opens intercom) Mr. McCool, will you report to the bridge, please?
OZY MCCOOL: (gulps audibly over speaker) Uh...aye, sir?
LSIK&T: Yer not in trouble this time, Ozy. Just get a move-on and get up here.
OZY MCCOOL: Aye sir, right away...
(To be continued...)
Posted by sgc284 at 03:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 02, 2006
Drydock
Normally, the Pegasus main computer will get an overhaul every six months.
As her crew has been on an extended mission of pissing liberals off, however, we've managed to miss three scheduled refits.
A fact of which I was painfully reminded this weekend when the communications system (read: the media player) went and crashed/burned.
Pegasus has limped, therefore, into K'mpec Station for repairs. If you see nothing new here the next couple of days, that's why.
LSIK&T: And it had better be only a couple of days, too - got that, Chief Engineer? (glares menacingly)
MERLIN: (gulp) Uh, aye sir. (cringe)
Posted by sgc284 at 10:26 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 01, 2006
Not exactly "experts", are they? (snicker)
Mark Davis of WBAP 820AM had the line of the year this morning.
In all the hubbub concerning Tour de (du?) Fwance champion Floyd Landis and his allegedly artificially-high testosterone levels, Davis noted all the testing being done in Fwance and thusly posed the query:
"What would the French know about elevated testosterone levels?"
All together now:
Posted by sgc284 at 10:22 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack