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August 25, 2006

Pluto, not a planet?  My ass.

Scientists, if you ask me - and I know you didn't, but humor me, mkay? - are the type of folks that you just love to hate.  They always think they know more than you do simply because they've dissected more frogs than you or made a liquid change color in a test tube.

And granted - perhaps they do  have a better chance of passing an SAT than do you or I.  But then they have to get really  pissy about it and flaunt it.  Makes you just wanna shove a pocket protector up their asses, y'know?

But now here comes a group of "scientists" - and really, who appointed these elitist snots, anyway? - saying that we may no longer consider the planet Pluto to be a planet.

Pluto, beloved by some as a cosmic underdog but scorned by astronomers who considered it too dinky and distant, was unceremoniously stripped of its status as a planet Thursday.

"Dinky and distant"?  That'll come as a real shock to Eminiar VII and Vendikar.

The International Astronomical Union, dramatically reversing course just a week after floating the idea of reaffirming Pluto's planethood and adding three new planets to Earth's neighborhood, downgraded the ninth rock from the sun in historic new galactic guidelines.

Translation:  "Pluto just isn't sexy  enough for us.  Mentioning Pluto to Tyra Banks is a real date killer.  Not that we'd ever know what that was like.  A date, we mean."

Pluto, a planet since 1930, got the boot because it didn't meet the new rules, which say a planet not only must orbit the sun and be large enough to assume a nearly round shape, but must "clear the neighborhood around its orbit." That disqualifies Pluto, whose oblong orbit overlaps Neptune's, downsizing the solar system to eight planets from the traditional nine.

[...]

Pluto and objects like it will be known as "dwarf planets," which raised some thorny questions about semantics: If a raincoat is still a coat, and a cell phone is still a phone, why isn't a dwarf planet still a planet?

I'm throwing the bullshit flag on this one:  Fucking around with the universe, trying to play God again,  98 million mile penalty, loss of down.  You people are the same types that are trying to BS us about men coming from apes, and I'm still  not buying that one.

Our solar system has at least nine planets, maybe more.  That's what I was taught, that's what I'll continue to believe.  As for you "scientists"...I'd sooner vote to drop you asshats from the list of people not considered total boobs.

Sheesh.

Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at August 25, 2006 11:51 PM

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Comments

[Hmmmm.  As I recall, dumbass, you were supposed to provide concrete evidence that your beloved evolution was 100% true - something about a missing link or somesuch.

I believe I mentioned something about not being able to comment here again until you provided it, did I not?

Too bad, so sad, fuckhead.  -LSI]

Posted by: genthe at August 27, 2006 06:08 PM

I think we can all agree that life didn't evolve on Pluto.

Posted by: Alan K. Henderson at August 28, 2006 03:59 AM

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