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January 29, 2007
A rose (cough) by any other name
Item: The Donks are in a bit of a tizzy over Bush's calling them the "Democratic majority".
Memo to Dubya: Whyn't you just follow my lead and refer to them by their proper name: Demoscum.
UPDATE: Thanks to LC RobertHuntingdon for the correction.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:21 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 27, 2007
HillaryCare™: Spreading the misery equally
(Hat tip, once again, to the SpatulaGoddess.)
This is People's Exhibit Number One as to why we don't want HillaryCare™ in the United States.
Posted by sgc284 at 08:54 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 26, 2007
Memo to the troops
Denizens, your assignment for this evening is to read the following letter to the troops from Mr. Ben Stein, courtesy of LC MoMinuteMan.
It's below the fold for your convenience.
Open Letter to Our Armed Forces and Their Families From Ben Stein
Greetings From Rancho Mirage By Ben Stein
Tuesday, January 23rd
Dear Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines, National Guard, Reservists, in Iraq, in the Middle East theater, in Afghanistan, in the area near Afghanistan, in any base anywhere in the world, and your families:
Let me tell you about why you guys own about 90 percent of the backbone in the whole world right now and should be happy with yourselves and proud of whom you are.
It was a dazzlingly hot day here in Rancho Mirage today. I did small errands like going to the bank to pay my mortgage, finding a new bed at a price I can afford, practicing driving with my new 5 wood, paying bills for about two hours. I spoke for a long time to a woman who is going through a nasty child custody fight. I got e-mails from a woman who was fired today from her job for not paying attention. I read about multi-billion-dollar mergers in Europe, Asia, and the Mideast I noticed how overweight I am, for the millionth time. In other words, I did a lot of nothing.
Like every other American who is not in the armed forces family, I basically just rearranged the deck chairs on the Titanic in my trivial, self-important, meaningless way.
Above all, I talked to a friend of more than forty-three years who told me he thought his life had no meaning because all he did was count his money. And, friends in the armed forces, this is the story of all of America today. We are doing nothing but treading water while you guys carry on the life or death struggle against worldwide militant Islamic terrorism. Our lives are about nothing: paying bills, going to humdrum jobs, waiting until we can go to sleep and then do it all again. Our most vivid issues are trivia compared with what you do every day, every minute, every second.
Oprah Winfrey talks a lot about “meaning” in life. For her, “meaning” is dieting and then having her photo on the cover of her magazine every single month (surely a new world record for egomania ). This is not “meaning.”
- Meaning is doing for others.
- Meaning is risking your life for hers.
- Meaning is putting your bodies and families’ peace of mind on the line to defeat some of the most evil, sick killers the world has ever known.
- Meaning is leaving the comfort of home to fight to make sure that there still will be a home for your family and for your nation and for free men and women everywhere.
Look, soldiers and Marines and sailors and airmen and Coast Guardsmen, there are eight billion people in this world. The whole fate of this world turns on what you people, 1.4 million, more or less, do every day. The fate of mankind depends on what about 2/100 of one percent of the people in this world do every day and you are those people. And joining you is every policeman, fireman, and Emergency Medical Technician in the country, also holding back the tide of chaos.
Do you know how important you are? Do you know how indispensable you are? Do you know how humbly grateful any of us who has a head on his shoulders is to you? Do you know that if you never do another thing in your lives, you will always still be heroes? That we could live without Hollywood or Wall Street or the NFL, but we cannot live for a week without you?
We are on our knees to you and we bless and pray for you every moment. And Oprah Winfrey, if she were a size two, would not have one millionth of your importance, and all of the Wall Street billionaires will never mean what the least of you do, and if Barry Bonds hits hundreds of home runs it would not mean as much as you going on one patrol or driving one truck to the Baghdad airport.
You are everything to us, as we go through our little days, and you are in the prayers of the nation and of every decent man and woman on the planet. That’s who you are and what you mean. I hope you know that.
Love,
Ben Stein
Indeed, as the Instapundit would say.
Posted by sgc284 at 08:26 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 24, 2007
On the bitching about Ted Nugent's wardrobe
(Hat tip to the SpatulaGoddess - long may she exude massive quantities of hawtness. 
)
Item: Ted Nugent wore a Confederate shirt to the Big Dickhead Perry inaugural the other day. (And no, this is not to bash Ted Nugent - as long as Big Dickhead serves in any sort of public orifice, I'm going to call him that.)
Anyway, the NAA(L)CP is, typically, kvetching about it.
Gary Bledsoe, president of the Texas chapter of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, has criticized Nugent's decision to wear the shirt, saying it symbolized "the enslavement of African-Americans and more recently the symbol of hate groups and terrorists."
Po' baby.
Gary, son, perhaps we could revisit the Confederate flag issue if you people would consider giving up the "X" hats.
Or the hubcap necklaces.
Or the pants worn so as to expose six inches of the Underoos.
Or the gimme caps worn at every odd-assed angle.
Or the FUBU gear.
Or the oversized jackets worn in 90-degree heat.
Or...
Posted by sgc284 at 08:38 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
On the SOTU extravaganza last night
No, I didn't watch the State of the DisUnion show last night. Why anyone would want to watch a de-balled, spineless, limp-dicked excuse-for-a-President bow and scrape in abject supplication before the traitorous bunch of shit-for-brains asswipes known as the Imperial Socialist Congress (not to mention kissing the collective ass of Vinnie Fox, Calderon and the rest of the pendejo invasion) is beyond me.
But I do find it instructive that the Demoscummic reponse came from that noted author of pedophilic kiddie porn, Jim Webb.
And I think that's all you need to know about the Donktards.
Posted by sgc284 at 06:27 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
January 22, 2007
BREAKING: Free at last, free at last...!!!
This just in from Valley Ranch:
"I am retiring from coaching football," [Bill] Parcells said in a statement. "I want to thank Jerry Jones and Stephen Jones for their tremendous support over the last four years. Also, the players, my coaching staff and others in the support group who have done so much to help. Dallas is a great city and the Cowboys are an integral part of it. I am hopeful that they are able to go forward from here."
All together now...
Posted by sgc284 at 12:02 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
January 20, 2007
PFW: Benediction '07
I s'pose I have to get this done sometime, don't I? 
TCU 37, Northern Illinois 7
Oklahoma 42, Mr. PotatoHead SmurfTurf Bullshit State 29, Desperate Trick Plays That Proved They Couldn't Play OU Straight Up 14
LSU 41, Notre Dame 14
Dallas 7, Phuckadelpha Beagles 23
Dallas 31, Detroit (Detroit?!?!?!) 39
Dallas 20, Seattle Seahags 21
Garrett Wolfe was the nation's leading college rusher this year, so TCU looked to have its hands full at the Poinsettia Bowl.
Then again, a University of North Texas back led the nation in rushing a couple years ago, and that didn't mean much in their bowl game, either. TCU jumped Wolfe early and often, managing to make first contact with him behind the line of scrimmage on nearly every one of his carries.
This game was close for...oh...about 15 minutes and 11 seconds - about the time TCU needed to get their second touchdown. Ballard was 19 of 29 for 258, and fellow outgoing senior Lonta Hobbs gained 109 on 18 carries and actually made it through an entire bowl game without fumbling for once.
TCU's performance this past year (a second straight 11-win season) was enough to merit some interest from the University of Minnesota before they settled on Tim Brewster from the Denver Broncos. It'll be interesting to see how '07 shapes up for the Froggies, but here's a hint for Patterson: If you go 1-10 next year, sir - that one win had damned well best be against the SMUT Shitland Ponies.
...
For all the talk about Notre Dame quarterback Brady Quinn during the regular season, he wasn't even the best quarterback on the field at the Sugar Bowl. JaMarcus Russell was 21 of 34 for 322 and a couple of touchdowns, and Keiland Williams ran for 107 on 14 carries and a couple of touchdowns himself.
Bo Pelini's defense was awesome as always, harassing Quinn into 15 of 35 for 148 - and although he threw for two TDs, he also threw a couple of picks. ND was held under 300 total yards. Bo should merit consideration as a head coach somewhere, but he'll likely stay in Baton Rouge at least one more year.
...
If memory serves, I believe I've already mentioned something about OU and Mr. Potato Head State. A goodly portion of that was OU once again being careless with the ball, turning it over four times, one of which lead to a BS touchdown (slur intended). Thompson picked a bad time to revert to his TCU game form, throwing three picks and losing a fumble that led to the BS touchdown.
Still, this quote from Jared Zabransky is sooooo worthy of ridicule:
"We went 13-0 and beat everyone on our schedule," said quarterback Jared Zabransky, selected the offensive MVP after completing 19 of 29 passes for 262 yards and three touchdowns. "We deserve a chance at the national title."
Oh, bull fucking shit, Jabroni. You beat a pansy-assed WAC schedule, then needed trick-fucking-plays to survive against a perennially not-ready-for-bowl-season team. Lemme tell you something, moron: Michigan, Ohio State and Southern Cal could use your skanky ass for a broom on that SmurfTurf™ of yours, and I won't even begin to speculate on what Florida would've done with you. Get a fookin' grip, mkay?
...
On the other hand, it wouldn't surprise me if BS State could give the Dallas Cowgirls a decent game. Which, sad to say, speaks more to the Cowgirls' suckitude than it does BS State's talent.
This gaggle of gagging underachievers let a backup quarterback hang 23 on them in their house, then turned around, bent over and grabbed the ankles for fucking Detroit, for Gawd's sake. Yet another December collapse during the Noo Joisey Con Man era, this one leading to a surrendering of the division title to the aforementioned Phuckadelphia Beagles.
The playoff game against the Seattle Suckhawks was a perfect microcosm of the entire season: Start out like crap, surge in the middle, collapse at the end. And while Romo does deserve his share of the blame for dropping the placement (no, you morons, he didn't drop the snap, he lost the grip while trying to put the ball down - go watch the replay again if you don't believe me), he also deserves credit for getting Dallas that far in the first place.
Besides, the game should have never come down to that in the first place. One of Bill's guys™, Widdle Terri Gwenn, was directly responsible for nine Seattle points when he fumbled the ball into his own end zone. The safety and ensuing Suckhawk touchdown gave Suckattle its margin of victory. Don't forget - it was one of Bill's guys™, one of the ones Bill brought in to teach the young players how Bill wanted the game played, that cost Dallas the game.
The other thing is this: With just over a minute left in the game, on fourth-and-inches, knowing Seattle was down to its last timeout and that your secondary hasn't been able to stop Hasselbeck all night...why are you going for a field goal at that point?
The right call was obvious - well, it was to me, anyway: Sneak the ball the remaining one-half yard down to the one on fourth down, pick up the first, then take one or two knees and kick the winning field goal on third down. Even if you drop the placement like Romo did, you can come back on fourth down and try again - and Romo would not have dropped it a second consecutive time.
(No, you don't want to score a touchdown there, as strange as that might sound. The idea was to keep the ball out of Hasselbeck's hands at that point so he wouldn't have the chance to hurt you. Naturally, Parcells didn't do it that way - would've made too much sense.)
Now we're saddled with a coach who, in case you've not heard, still hasn't made up his mind about whether to come back for one more year. Although, at the rate he's losing assistant coaches (another one deserted the sinking ship yesterday) - the decision might have already been made.
One can only hope, right?
Bowl Edition: 2-4. Final Overall Record: 57-28.
The PFW goes on the shelf for another year. We'll see you back in August or thereabouts.
Posted by sgc284 at 04:36 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 16, 2007
BREAKING: Fidelito near death?
All y'all who had Fidelito the Ball-less in your dead pool - get the...well, whatever the Hispanic equivalent of ululating is...ready.
Fidel Castro has had at least three failed operations and complications from an intestinal infection, and the Cuban leader faces "a very grave prognosis," a Spanish newspaper reported Tuesday. A Cuban diplomat in Madrid said the reports were lies and declined to comment.
Time for Cuban propaganda protocol, Denizens. When they say the sky is blue...go outside to double check. 
In a report published on its Web site, El Pais said: "A grave infection in the large intestine, at least three failed operations and various complications have left the Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro, laid up with a very grave prognosis."
Uh-huh. That's socialist medicine for you. 
Posted by sgc284 at 10:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 15, 2007
Memo to Misha: Gotcha!!! (grin)
(Originally posted at the Rott.)
[SCENE: Rott headquarters. The place is empty and the lights are out, the Brood™ having gone out en masse to cele...well, just keep reading, mkay?
An enormous shimmer of light appears in the living room. As it fades, we see several large masses materialize. (Well, several average-sized masses and one Jabba-sized lump. Gimme a break, I'm working on it, okay???) 
]
TIBERIUS: Ow. I still feel all prickly.
KORRIOTH: Trust me. You get used to it.
OZY MCCOOL: I never have.
MERLIN: That's because you're a certified wuss.
OZY MCCOOL: Hey...!!!
SPATS: Hush, all of you! (fumbles around in dark) I knew I should have brought the night-sights.
[We hear a crash.]
B.C.: OWWWWW!!! G-d...!!!!1
CALIGULA (putting hand over B.C.'s mouth): Shhhhh!!!! What if he left the Imperial Firearms Advisor to guard the place?
B.C.: Shit, man, would you for once in your life keep up? D'ya know where Kim is right now?
CALIGULA (hanging head): Sorry.
CLAUDIUS: C-c-can you h-h-hurry and f-f-f-find the light sw-sw-switch, Your-r-r-r R-R-R-Rudeness™? I'm s-s-s-starting to r-r-r-really g-get the c-c-c-creeps.
SPATS: Korrioth, kindly step away from Claudius, if you don't mind.
KORRIOTH: Hmf. I never get to have any fun...
MERLIN: Are you sure you set us down in the right flat, m'Liege?
[About this time, Spats finds the light switch. He flips it, raises the lights and takes a look around. A number of toys are strewn about the floor (note to His Imperial Jack Bauer-ness: It's artistic license - I know they're more disciplined than that). He turns to look at his engineer emeritus.]
SPATS: You were saying...?
MERLIN: I hate it when you do that.
THE SPATULAGODDESS: We need to clean this place up pretty quickly, just in case they get home soon. [She starts into her Tasmanian Devil whirling-dervish routine (complete with the tornado special-effects and everything). Spats stops her before she can rip off his hand.]
SPATS: We'll all help, love. Won't we, B.C...?
B.C.: Now just wait a damned minute! Where's it say that I take orders...
[Spats gestures to Merlin, who waves his magic wand and causes a beer to appear right before B.C.'s eyes]
B.C.: ...where do I start?
[Scene: 15 minutes later. The living room is now nearly spotless (the SpatulaGoddess couldn't quite stop at picking up toys, and pulled a complete dust-and-Pledge© job on the place), and Our Heroes™ are standing around, admiring a job well done.]
TIBERIUS: Nice job, everyone. You especially, B.C.
B.C.: (burp)
TIBERIUS: Yer welcome...(sniff, sniff)...what in the name of Plato's left nut is that smell???
PLATO: Well, it's not my left nut! I at least took a bath before that infenal device of His Rudeness' plucked me out of thin air!
SPATS: Bath...bath? (eyes his Klingon-Vulcan hybrid tactical officer warily) Korrioth, I told you to take a bath before we beamed down!
[Korrioth simply glares at Lord Spatula]
SPATS (shakes head disgustedly): Awright, here - use this. [tosses Korrioth a can of Axe© body spray]
KORRIOTH: It's not my usual.
SPATS: Axe doesn't have it in "Landfill". Just put it on, mkay?
[Just then, we hear the sound of a key in the lock]
SPATS: Shit! Everyone, behind the couch! Quick!!!
[Everyone dives behind the sofa just as the door opens. In walk Emporer Darth Misha I, his bride the lovely Empress and the Heirs™.
EMPRESS: Honey, didn't I tell you to turn off the lights before we left? And where are all the kids' toys? And who dusted the place?
DARTH MISHA I: I thought I did turn off...wait. What's that smell?
[Behind the couch, Spats turns his head and glares at Korrioth. Korrioth just shrugs. In the meantime, Misha has pulled his Kimber and is looking to do somebody some Jack Bauer-style harm. At which point, the group is rather brusquely given away.]
B.C.: (braaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap!!!!!!!!!!!)
DARTH MISHA I (pointing gun at sofa with a menacing look on his face): Right, then. Very slowly, hands in the air, and... [Enlightenment dawns] ...wait. I know that belch. B.C., how the hell did you get here, my friend?
[B.C. slowly peeks over the couch, followed in short order by Spats and the rest of the group. The Brood™'s eyes all widen significantly]
SPATS {with a very sheepish grin on his face): Uh...surprise???
LCs, in case you haven't figured it out by now...today is Our Intrepid Leader's Birfday™. And we should all wish His Imperial Dreadedness the happiest of happies and hopes for many, many more.
And that's an order, in case you're wondering. You, too, B.C.
B.C.: (belllch!!!)
SPATS: 
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISHA!!!!
Posted by sgc284 at 12:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 11, 2007
More housekeeping-ery
[SCENE: Aboard the bridge of the Pegasus. She has arrived in Spacedock in response to an urgent hail from the Dockmaster.]
T-BONE MCMANX: I have the dockmaster for you now, m'Lord.
LSIK&T: (nods) Thank you, McManx. (to speaker) Dockmaster, this is Pegasus. I hope you have a good reason for dragging us back here.
DOCKMASTER: Quite the reason, indeed, my love. We were notified of a severe design flaw in Pegasus' computer core and have a tech crew dispatched and ready to effect repairs.
KORRIOTH: You see??? I told you it couldn't have been my targeting!!!
LSIK&T: Great, just great. Now I'm really gonna be in trouble with the insurance adjusters!
KORRIOTH: Why? It's not like the Breen needed that moon!
LSIK&T: Hush, you...(chuckle)
Denizens, Hosting Matters™ has advised me of an imminent drive failure where the Realm™ files are kept. Ergo, they've started moving stuff here to another server.
Should be seamless. If you have any problems, lemme know.
Thatisall™.
Posted by sgc284 at 10:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 10, 2007
Attaboy, Abe. :-)
Denizens tonight's a busy night, so here's something courtesy of the Sibling Unit™:
Subject: Hillary's first night as President 2009HILLARY'S FIRST NIGHT AS PRESIDENT IN JANUARY 2009
Hillary Clinton gets elected President and is spending her first night in the White House.
She has waited so long..........
The ghost of George Washington appears, and Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Washington says, "Never tell a lie." "Ouch!" Says Hillary, "I don't know about that."
The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?" Jefferson says, "Listen to the people." "Ohhh! I really don't want to do that."
On the third night, the ghost of Abe Lincoln appears...Hillary says, "How can I best serve my country?"
Lincoln says, "Go to the theater."
Posted by sgc284 at 08:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 09, 2007
Housekeeping-ery
Denizens, your faithful scribe is feeling a little burnt out - and, unlike some folks who disappear from sight and don't tell you where they're gonna be (SpatulaGoddess, call your office), I feel obligated enough not to want to drop off the face of the earth.
Yet.
I'm contemplating the PFW benediction, and at some point I'll throw together at least a semi-comprehensive Year In Review for you guys.
I'm also contemplating a quasi-drastic pullback from everyday blogging. No fooling this time - the medical issues you and I have discussed from time to time are beating me over the head, and crunch time is rapidly approaching. Certain things are going to have to be sacrificed, and one of those things may very well be this nearly-a-post-a-day schedule.
(Which is not to say I'm going away altogether - just that everyday posting will likely turn into every-other-day posting. Or somesuch.)
Keep your eyes peeled and your RSS reader (snort!) tuned to this very blog.
Thatisall.
Posted by sgc284 at 07:48 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
January 07, 2007
Not "unusual"?
Most of you have probably heard in the news about the cheerleader incidents at McKinney North "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there). You've heard about how it caused the cheerleader sponsor to resign, citing a lack of support from school administration when it came to discipline - primarily because the ringleader of these miscreant girls was none other than the principal's daughter herself. And you've heard about how it subsequently cost that principal her job, albeit with a $70,000 payout and a letter of recommendation.
Nice severance, if you can get it.
Anyway, the girls are now telling their side of the story:
"It was a stupid mistake," Elizabeth Griffin, 18, one of the cheerleaders, told The Dallas Morning News on Saturday. "We will never live it down, but we never thought about that at the time."
Awright, fine.
But in reading further down in that article, I find one paragraph to be extrememly disturbing:
Ms. Theret [The principal in question. -ED.], who resigned under an agreement before Christmas, canceled a scheduled interview Saturday. Bob Hinton, her attorney, said she wasn't ready to talk. But he asserted that Karrissa and the other girls' behavior wasn't unusual.
"Wasn't unusual"?
Let's review what it was that brought this to the fore:
The five McKinney North High School cheerleaders, each in uniform and holding phallus-shaped candles, thought it would be funny to pose for the picture inside a condom store – a harmless joke for their friends to see on MySpace.
"Wasn't unusual"?
Maybe that's the problem.
Posted by sgc284 at 11:36 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 06, 2007
Throwing seniors, present & future, under the bus
Memo to the Donktards: When we tar and feather Limpdickya, and you pricks go "Yeah, yeah, we told you so!!!!" - well, I'm sure that the one-third brain cell that all you leftist morons collectively share thinks that you've gotten one over on us.
That's to be expected from liberal fuckwits who couldn't graduate Romper Room if all the test answers were placed on the seats of their shortbus.
But when you spew your bullshit about him, it's because you hate him. No rhyme or reason for it, just an irrational hate (again, irrationality being something we've come to expect from libtards). When we rip His Gonadlessness a new one, it's precisely because...well, because he's governing like one of you.
Case in point: Not only is Jorge Arbusto (thanks, Emperor Misha) creaming his jeans to give the illegal alien pendejos amnesty - now he wants to fuckin' give them Social Security and push an alreadyj-stretched-to-the-limit retirement system even further.
An agreement the Bush administration reached with Mexico on Social Security benefits would allow illegal aliens granted amnesty in the future to claim credit for the time they worked illegally.
So let me understand this: Instead of enforcing the law like they're supposed to do - now the dickheads who form the RINO government in that sorry-assed cesspool on the Potomac want to pay these bastards for breaking the law. Do I have that about right?
The deal was reached in 2004 but never released publicly because it hasn't been submitted to Congress. The TREA Senior Citizens League, a Social Security advocacy group, recently obtained the document through a Freedom of Information Act, and said it confirms the group's worst fears.Some lawmakers say Mr. Bush has not submitted the agreement because it would get caught up in the debate over Social Security's poor fiscal health, which could doom the measure.
Excuse me, but I'm gonna call bullshit on this one. The reason it never got "submitted to Congress" is the same reason we're only hearing about it now: Had this been brought to light in 2004, I guaran-damn-tee you that not only would the GOP have lost Congress two years sooner, but we'd all be having to endure an al-Qerry excuse-for-a-presidency. The Demoscum can call Bush "dumb" or "stupid" all they want, but this proves otherwise.
Not that that's a good thing.
The document is a jumble of definitions and legal language, but a spokesman for the group [TREA Seniors -Ed.] said what's important is what's not in the text: It does nothing to prevent undocumented aliens who later get legal status from receiving benefits for the time they worked illegally. And that comes as the Social Security system's finances are about to be put under greater strain by the retirement of baby boomers.
Which will likely go completely bankrupt just about the time people...oh, say, my age...are due to start collecting.
And then the Respinelesscan Party sits it its nice, hoity-toity offices up in Washington, Dilapidated Cesspool and wonders How The Hell™ it could have lost its majority.
Bastards. 
Posted by sgc284 at 02:58 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
January 04, 2007
Shrieker of the House takes the reins
[SCENE: Aboard the USS RemoteAccess, the Kor-class scout ship, registry 1:130/103, that His Rudeness flew prior to winning the Pegasus from the Klingons in a game of fizzbin. RemoteAccess has been decomissioned for over 10 years now, but has been floating quietly in a little corner of spacedock.
Outside Cargo Hold 2. CH2 on the RemoteAccess is for old shit that even His Rudeness™ wouldn't dare keep in the Grab-Bag™.
The doors are partially open. Every so often, a massive cloud of dust flies out of the hold, causing Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant to lapse into a coughing fit.]
LSIK&T: Dammit, McCool, what the hell are you doing in there??? How fookin' hard can it be to find one little phrase?
OZY MCCOOL: (cough) I'm sorry, m'Lord, but there are so many that you left in here that it's diffi...wait, what's this?
(pause)
LSIK&T: Well??? Out with it, McCool, or I'm sending Korrioth in there!
KORRIOTH: Me??? What did I do...?
OZY MCCOOL: M'Lord, I think I have it.
LSIK&T: Awright, then, Ozy, c'mon out and let's see it.
[Ozy emerges. Right now, he would make Pigpen© look like Mr. Clean©.]
OZY MCCOOL: Here y'go, m'Lord.
LSIK&T: Yep, this is it. Good work, McCool.
[Ozy tries to stand up straight, coughs & wheezes, then slumps back down]
OZY MCCOOL: Thank you, sir.
[Spats holds up the sign - "Imperial Socialist Congress".]
LSIK&T: Damn. Never thought I'd have to use this again.
OZY MCCOOL: I never thought we'd see this ship again.
KORRIOTH: (smacks Ozy upside the head) You weren't around when we were flying this fleatrap, whelp!
OZY MCCOOL: Ow.
LSIK&T: Awright, boys, that's enough...
Jubilant Democrats on Thursday elected Rep. Nancy Pelosi as the first woman speaker of the House, the crowning celebration of newfound power the party won in the November electoral sweep.
Proving yet again that there should be a law requiring you to pass a civics test, or at least show some signs of intelligence in order to be allowed to vote.
"I accept this gavel in the spirit of partnership, not partisanship, and look forward to working with you on behalf of the American people," Pelosi said. "In this House, we may belong to different parties, but we serve one country."
KORRIOTH: Which would explain why the new Shrieker of the House is trying to make sure that all the Representatives are of one party.
OZY MCCOOL: She can't do that...can she?
LSIK&T: Remember, Ozy, these are Demoscum. They think they can do anything they damned well please.
Both Democrats and Republicans pledged cooperation despite years of bitter partisanship and gridlock, to try to get the 110th Congress off on a productive note.
KORRIOTH: When the fuck are the Republicans ever going to learn? One may as well negotiate with a (hack, spit) Romulan. (hack, spit)
MERLIN (popping in out of thin air): Oooo, but those disruptors up the ass feel so goooooooooooood!!!!!
LSIK&T: Ah, Magician! Enjoying your retirement?
MERLIN: Quite, m'Liege. And thank you for hooking me up with the Dockmaster. Quite the frisky one, eh what?
LSIK&T: (shrugs) Eh. She owed me for rescuing her from that Breen that one time.
House Democrats also were ready to impose a ban on gifts from lobbyists and a clampdown on travel funded by private interests -- measures crafted in response to the ethics scandals that weakened Republicans in last fall's elections.
MERLIN: While naturally figuring out ways to get around it themselves.
KORRIOTH: Isn't that what weasels are known for?
The first hours of the new Democratic-held House were devoted to Pelosi's election and remarks -- for which the Californian received numerous standing ovations, especially from the House's record 71 women lawmakers, thrilled that one of their own had finally ascended to the speakership. Some of the women senators also came to the House side to cheer Pelosi's history-shattering moment."This is an historic moment -- for the Congress, and for the women of this country," Pelosi said. "It is a moment for which we have waited more than 200 years."
MERLIN: I tried to tell Hoover that women's suffrage would lead this country to ruin!
LSIK&T: It's okay, Wizard - we still have the guns. Here, have some Romulan ale.
OZY MCCOOL: Hey!
LSIK&T: Hey, yourself, McCool. Where do you think you're getting the funds to pay for that, hm?
On the other end of the Capitol, Sen. Harry Reid, D-Nev., a soft-spoken but tough inside player -- took the reins of the notoriously unwieldy Senate, promising to "work in a bipartisan basis in an open fashion to solve the problems of the American people."
KORRIOTH: They're going to work together to throw him off a cliff?
LSIK&T: (snicker) Hush, you.
Addressing his colleagues Thursday afternoon, Reid vowed to get the Senate back on track after an unproductive past two years.
OZY MCCOOL: Translation: "Unproductive" meaning the Demoscum weren't getting what they wanted, despite their whining.
KORRIOTH: I wouldn't be so sure of that, Oz. Remember how Limpdickya kept caving in to them at every turn.
LSIK&T: Set course for the Badlands, Korrioth. Time to go stock up on some ammo.
KORRIOTH: Aye, sir.
[Fade out as the crew, now back aboard Pegasus, goes into warp and winks out of sight.]
Posted by sgc284 at 10:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 03, 2007
History repeating itself
Denizens, your assignment for tonight is to read Coulter's column.
After you're done with that, go read Misha's rejoinder.
Note to the Demoscum in the Imperial Socialist Congress: Do this in Iraq, and we won't be responsible for subsequent events. You have been warned.
Posted by sgc284 at 08:51 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 02, 2007
On the Bullshit State Broncos & the Fiesta Bowl
Memo to the Bullshit State Broncos: You. Ain't. That. Good.
You beat OU in a bowl game. Big. Fuckin'. Deal.
And not only did you have the zebras' help (OU couldn't breathe on you without drawing a flag), you had to resort to trick plays to achieve the one-point victory.
In plain, non-potato-farmer English, Bullshit State - you couldn't play the Oklahoma Sooners straight up and win.
Now consider that you eked out a one-point victory in overtime against a team that's lost three of its last four bowl games. And you had to have a trick play to get into OT, at that.
Get this straight, Smurfs: TCU would have kicked your ass up the field and back down. LSU would have had you pussies crying all the way back to your Smurf Turf™. And I won't even speculate on what Ohio State, Southern Cal, Florida or Michigan would've done to you.
Deserving of respect? You wussies?
Get fookin' real.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:54 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack