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February 28, 2007
James Cameron and his big bag of bones nothin'
Glenn Beck had a great point regarding James Cameron's bullshit meme, aka the latest asinine attack on Christianity.
Beck maintains (and I agree, BTW) that you can't do the church thing (and I would add, you can't be a Christian, period) if you don't believe in the Resurrection.
Without the Resurrection, the Bible becomes nothing more than Tuesdays with Morrie. In fact, if the Resurrection is not true, then the entire Bible is a fraud, since Jesus and the Resurrection is the one thing around which Scripture centers.
As for you, James Cameron, you can take your box of bones, turn it sideways and shove it up your candy-ass. This latest project of yours is pretty much on par with you showing us a fat, naked Kate Winslet.
In other words...ew. 
Posted by sgc284 at 10:29 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
February 26, 2007
Po' widdle niñitos...
The Messicans are a might bit peeved over our little incursion into their precious territory.
Ask me if I care.
Posted by sgc284 at 05:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 25, 2007
Texas Blogfest '07 announcement
Guys, I have a situation here that's going to preclude me making any Texas Blogfest '07 preparations.
No, the wedding isn't in trouble, but my fiancée is going to need my help in handling a small problem she's having - which, unfortunately, will leave me no time to do much of anything else, I imagine. Therefore, TB07 is postponed until further notice.
Sorry. I'll let you guys know when we reschedule.
Thatisall™.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:39 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 24, 2007
No, it ain't for hunting, you morons
Denizens, your homework assignment for this weekend is to go read this fine treatise penned (penned?) by the Revered Spousal Unit™ of the Imperial Firearms Advisor™.
Mrs, in case you see this - that's one damned fine piece of work. Wish I'd've said that.
UPDATE: The link has been fixed. Kudos & huzzahs to Denizen David Hartung.
Posted by sgc284 at 01:18 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 22, 2007
Proposed Texas Blogfest '07, part deux
(Crossposted here from the Rott, because that's where the original post first appeared.)
During a recent thread, the Imperial Empress (long may she bestow large amounts of firearms & ammo on the Emperor (grin)) was overheard saying thusly:
But, we are grateful to have been fortunate enough to be able to be a part of the fun! Maybe we can accomplish something similar in Texas this year as well!
Funny she should mention that. Here's what I have in mind:
As most of you may recall, I said:
How would you feel about a Texas Blogfest ‘07 towards the end of April? Say, the last weekend thereof? Discuss here, if you please.(Incidentally, I’ve already discussed this with my partner in crime the SpatulaGoddess, and she rather fancies the idea.)
I’ll be telling you the reason for the April date in exactly one week’s time. Stay tuned.
So I'm a couple days late. Sue me. 
Anyway, to the point: Four days after posting this on the 10th, I took a very lovely lady out to dinner. At the end of the meal, I gave this lady a nice gift. It was in a box, was round and had a cute little trinket on top.
And it had the desired effect. Amazing how you of the feminine persuasion have this tendency to melt for these objects...
Anyway, the date we're going to tie the knot is Friday, April 27th - Saturday the 28th if we can find a JP who'll get up off his lazy ass take time out of his busy day that day. I figure that thie event would be a good thing around which to plan a Blogfest.
Discuss.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:25 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Dennis "DJ" Johnson: 1954 - 2007
One of the men who defined what the NBA was all about died today. Dennis Johnson was 52.
DJ was one of those guys you loved to hate, unless he was on your team. He was hard-nosed as all get out, gritty, and tended to save his best efforts for the biggest games. He won NBA titles in Seattle & Boston, and was all-NBA six times.
The Realm™ extends its condolences. He'll be missed.
Posted by sgc284 at 07:41 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 20, 2007
Damn, why's he have to be all the way up there?
(Hat tip to His Imperial Vileness™.)
Dammit, some guys get all the luck.
A Fredericksburg man was arrested Saturday on charges he assaulted three strangers at their home during a dispute over politics, police said.
Memo to Michael "Mykki Chickenshit" Cortese: This is what I'm talkin' about, pussy!
According to a Fredericksburg police report, the suspect went to a home in the 900 block of Marye Street about 5:30 p.m. after finding one of the resident's name on a Republican Web site.The resident and his two roommates engaged in a discussion with the suspect, though none of them had ever met or had contact with him before.
I do soooo hope they kept it to words of one syllable for the little fuckheaded perp, y'know?
The argument got heated and the suspect learned that the young residents had not enlisted in the military and "put their all" behind the Republican-led war effort in Iraq, police spokeswoman Natatia Bledsoe said.
Ah, yes. The "if you're so gung-ho for the war, whyn't you go enlist" bullshit meme.
Yawn. You'd think they'd show a little creativity and have something else by now.
The suspect refused to leave the home after repeatedly being asked to do so, police said. The three roommates were hit multiple times each as they attempted to get the suspect out of the door, authorities said.The suspect continued to be aggressive and disorderly even after a city police officer arrived, the report states.
Now this is where I have a problem with my three conservative cohorts.
First off, why the Hell™ are you trying to escort him out the door? You've got him right where you can beat the ever-lovin' shit out of his skanky ass, and then claim self-defense - and you're trying to force him to leave??? Where in the name of Cthulu are your cojones, mates?
Secondly, the first time he went to the slap-fight routine, all three of you should've been climbing over each other to kick his ass! WTF is wrong with you people, hmmmmmm???
Andrew Stone, 23, was charged with three counts of assault and battery. A magistrate released Stone on his own recognizance and he was ordered to have no further contact with the victims.It was not clear in the report what political agenda Stone was supporting.
Oh, for the luvva Pete. What "agenda" do you morons at the Lance-Star think he was supporting? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?????
UPDATE: What'd I tell ya???
Hey, Stoney! Anytime you find yourself down Texas way with the urge to duke it out, just lemme know.
Hell, I'll wait up fer ye. 
Posted by sgc284 at 08:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 19, 2007
Tag, I'm it
[Scene: The bridge of Pegasus. Our Intrepid Heroes™ find themselves near the Realm™-Imperial Empire™ border, having a look at what appears to be a derelict Imperial Star Destroyer, adrift in space. Executive officer Captain Korrioth is at the science station, taking sensor readings. Communications officer T-Bone McManx is intently listening for any response to the numerous hails he's already sent the vessel. Navigator & weapons officer K'hadibak'h is looking expectantly back at Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant, eagerly awaiting the command to lock onto the craft and destroy it with the ship's new transphasic torpedoes. His Rudeness™ sits & stares thoughtfully at the viewscreen, absently chewing a knuckle.]
LSIK&T: Still no life signs, Captain?
KORRIOTH: Negative, Admiral. The vessel appears to have been abandoned.
LSIK&T: McManx, have you managed to make out its registry yet?
T-BONE: Admiral, it appears to be Lyudmila - Emperor Misha's personal vessel.
KORRIOTH: I thought he commandeered Executor II for his personal use...?
LSIK&T: Not since that incident with Durron and the Sun Crusher. Got his ass rightly singed on that one - Executor simply isn't fast enough nor manueverable enough. (chews more knuckle) I wonder...
KORRIOTH: Admiral!!! Torpedo tubes arming!!!
LSIK&T: Evasive pattern Gamma!!! K'hadibak'h, shields, now!!!
K'HADIBAK'H: Incoming!!!
LSIK&T: All hands, brace for impact!!!!!
[Everyone flinches as Lyudmila's shot finds its target - the viewscreen of Pegasus - and hits with a sickly-sounding sploosh. (Think of Dark Helmet's vessel getting jammed in Spaceballs.) Once His Rudeness™ realizes they haven't been vaporized, he cautiously peeks up. A massive scowl crosses his face.]
LSIK&T: Oh, shit. It's a frickin' meme!!!
I’m supposed to divulge some weird facts about His Imperial Vileness, Brendan?...
So now I get to tag people, mheh.
KORRIOTH: Better you than me.
LSIK&T: Shut up or I'll put you in command of the Hum-a-zoo.
KORRIOTH: (grunt)
Okay, okay. Six weird things that few folks know about me. Don't say I didn't warn you.
1) At one time - specifically, back in 1980 - I was considered one of the five best "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there) tenors in the city of Fort Worth. I was one of the ones chosen to participate in solo competition down in Austin. Didn't do too badly, either, though it coulda been better.
2) As much as I love football, you'd think I'd've played organizationally at some point. And you'd be wrong. Guys with my build weren't sought out in the schools I attended, not even for the offensive line. Which was rather curious - because whenever I played a disorganized game of "tackle the man with the football" during recess, no one - and I do mean no one - ever was able to bring me down. Period.
3) I'm an accomplished (though not licensed nor commissioned) driving instructor. In college, I helped an old girlfriend practice for her driving test, taking her to the mall on Sunday mornings and letting her work on turns, parallel parking, backing up and the like in my old Ford Maverick. I later sold her the Maverick so that I could go buy a car with a manual transmision, which I owned for exactly six hours before one of my Spatulaites wrecked it (no fault of his own). The girl owned that Maverick for many, many years.
4) In that same vein, I spent my first honeymoon teaching Wife Number One™ how to drive a standard - my old, beat-up 1978 Mustang II. (What can I say? It was a four-on-the-floor.) To this day, Wife Number One™ still drives a standard transmission, which makes me insufferably pleased with myself. 
UPDATE: Oh, and I also gave LC & Denizen Alan K. Henderson instruction in the fine art of the manual transmission. Sadly, he chose instead to waste his money on an automatic.
5) I've only been rip-roaringly bombed-off-my-ass drunk once in my life - after a $.25 beer bash at a hotspot in Fort Worth about 25 years ago. (I've been tipsy a couple other times, but not to this extent.) It was a mile-and-a-half to my house, and I didn't so much as blink the entire way, for fear I'd wreck.
Once home, I rather loudly (though it didn't seem that way to me at the time) stumbled up the stairs and fell into bed. Ninety seconds later, I tried to make it across the hall to the porcelain temple.
I was about five seconds late.
Two days later, Herr Stepfather informed me in no uncertain terms that if I did that again, I would be thrown out of the house. Needless to say, I've been sober since then.
6) I hate tagging people, and I don't have six people to tag, though I'm tempted to get back at Chris Muir and Frank for never having blogrolled me. But, seeing as they might say, "Lord who?", I'll settle for these guys:
The SpatulaGoddess (hey don't give me that look - I owed you one, remember?)
LC & Denizen Deathknyte (I figure he's too busy/broke to make it down here to kill me )
Feel free, guys.
Update the 2nd: Oh, yeah - you're it too, Alan. (grin)
Posted by sgc284 at 05:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 18, 2007
That's Mr. President to you!
I think that this probably qualifies as my ultimate wet dream.
Posted by sgc284 at 12:03 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
February 15, 2007
Tim Hardaway: Another spineless wuss
So here I was, all ready to make Tim Hardaway the new SpatulaHero™.
Then he goes and pisses the hell outta me by recanting.
"Yes, I regret it. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said I hate gay people or anything like that," he said. "That was my mistake."
No, Timmy, your mistake was caving in to whomever got to you and showing one hellacious lack of spine. Another mistake was letting that fuckhead Danielle Le Bastard label you a "homophobe" and actually agreeing with it.
Memo to the sodomite community: We don't fear you. You do not strike the slightest bit of terror in me, or anyone else for that matter. It's actually revulsion & disgust - not unlike the feeling you get upon finding that you've stepped on a dog turd and tracked it into the house. I wouldn't exactly call that a "phobia" - more like a gag reflex.
On the other hand, you limp-wristed pussies seem to want to shout down posthaste anyone who might offend those delicate sensibilities of yours. Almost as if you're terrified of letting any attack of your lack of character go unchallenged, lest people see that our revulsion with you asswipes isn't such a bad thing to have, after all - as if it makes a helluva lotta sense to despise perversion such as yours.
So who are really the phobics here? Here's a clue - tain't us, McGee.
Shame that sticks in your craw (not!), but I don't rightly give a shit about that - and you won't find me apologizing to you, ever. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - it's not tolerance you faggots want, it's acceptance. You want me to say that what you do is okay and a perfectly normal "lifestyle choice".
And that ain't happenin'. Ever. Suggest you deal with it, nancy-boys.
And Hardaway? Fuck off. Come back when you grow a set.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:43 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 13, 2007
Chintzy Dicks: Bee. Effin'. Dee.
Okay, so the Chintzy Dicks won five awards in pop music's circle-jerk pat-on-the-back to itself. So the NY Slimes considers it "vindication" for the traitorous tramps.
I'd still rather hear this girl sing - and she's a helluva lot sexier than Natalie Maines ever thought of being.
Posted by sgc284 at 05:37 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 11, 2007
No sympathy for Cactus
Oh, th' poooooooooooooooooooooooor widdle town of Cactus. Got its ass busted because its primary employer, Swift Meats, was employing so many illegal aliens. (Once again, that's ILLEGAL ALIENS to you mongoloids on the left.)
Let's see how much this trips my own personal Give-A-Fuck-O-Meter:
Nah, not so much.
Posted by sgc284 at 06:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 10, 2007
Proposed Texas Blogfest '07
Denizens, front & center please.
How would you feel about a Texas Blogfest '07 towards the end of April? Say, the last weekend thereof? Discuss here, if you please.
(Incidentally, I've already discussed this with my partner in crime the SpatulaGoddess, and she rather fancies the idea.)
I'll be telling you the reason for the April date in exactly one week's time. Stay tuned.
Posted by sgc284 at 11:55 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Blog-tweakagery
Denizens, if the page starts looking kinda funky, bear with me. I'm working on something.
I'll let you know what it is if I'm successful with it.
If not, that sound you hear will be McCool getting shoved out the airlock.
OZY MCCOOL: Eep.
UPDATE: Okay, those of you perusing my fine work (cough) via InterTubes Exploder are seeing something I lifted off of this site here (and please, try not to ogle Carmen Electra too much, mkay?). Obviously, it's a clock that chases your mouse pointer.
I don't know if Ciampis did this himself, or lifted it from someone else, but I think it's damn cool.
Firefox users (me included), be patient. You can't see it yet, and I'm trying to find out why.
Posted by sgc284 at 01:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 08, 2007
BREAKING: Anna Nicole Smith: 1967 - 2007
Well, she always wanted to be like Marilyn. Looks like she got her wish.
Anna Nicole Smith has assumed room temperature. And, based on these paragraphs...
A private nurse called 911 after finding Smith unresponsive in her sixth-floor room, said Seminole Police Chief Charlie Tiger. He said Smith's bodyguard administered cardiopulmonary resuscitation about an hour before she was declared dead. She is believed to have expired on the scene.Anna Nicole was reportedly treated with Narcan on the scene. Narcan is a substance generally adminstered to remove narcotics from a person's system.
...five'll get you ten that drugs were involved.
Just like Marilyn.
Anna, we hardly knew ye.
Posted by sgc284 at 07:19 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
BREAKING: Jones proves he's clueless
Conventional wisdom has held for last few years that Jerry Jones was nothing but a clueless hick with an expensive toy. Today, it looks like he's going to prove it.
Wade Phillips, who has a winning (slightly) regular-season record as a head coach with positively miserable teams (Beefalo, Denver) - but hasn't won shit in the playoffs - is poised to become the Dallas Cowgirls' new head coach.
Welcome to the Bill Parcells Era, Part Deux.
This will necessitate a change in next season's PFW. My pro team will, instead of being the Cowgirls, now be whomever's playing the Cowgirls. (Excluding, of course, the Phuckadelphia Beagles, the Washington Foreskins and the San Transexual Fairywhiners, who can bugger off AFAIC.)
Congratulations, Owner Jethro. If justice has its way, you're currently building the world's largest mausoleum. Here's a toast to all those fans disguised as empty seats.
Posted by sgc284 at 06:39 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 05, 2007
Super Bowl ellipsi...
The general consensus is that the Super Bowl commercials were, by & large, uninspiring. Can't argue with that assessment.
My personal favorites were the Blockbuster spot and the one where the chicks in the car got the homeless Chippendale car wash. 
But so help me Cthulu, I'm not having another one of these ever again. (Never mind that I'm a diabetic and really can't - if you're gonna try and sell me a product, you damned well had best not offend me - and that spot was offensive in the extreme.)
Oh yeah, and congrats, Peyton Manning. Good on ya.
Posted by sgc284 at 06:03 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
February 02, 2007
Fuck you, Widdle Billy Arkin
Misha properly rips a new one for a Washington ComPost pussy-blogger for this piece of putrid bullshit.
As for me - Arkin, don't ever let yourself get within 10 feet of me, chickenshit. As Trace Adkins says, "The First Amendment protects you from the government. Not from me."
Posted by sgc284 at 05:56 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack