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February 19, 2007

Tag, I'm it

[Scene:  The bridge of Pegasus.  Our Intrepid Heroes™ find themselves near the Realm™-Imperial Empire™ border, having a look at what appears to be a derelict Imperial Star Destroyer, adrift in space.  Executive officer Captain Korrioth is at the science station, taking sensor readings.  Communications officer T-Bone McManx is intently listening for any response to the numerous hails he's already sent the vessel.  Navigator & weapons officer K'hadibak'h is looking expectantly back at Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant, eagerly awaiting the command to lock onto the craft and destroy it with the ship's new transphasic torpedoes.  His Rudeness™ sits & stares thoughtfully at the viewscreen, absently chewing a knuckle.]

LSIK&T:  Still no life signs, Captain?

KORRIOTH:  Negative, Admiral.  The vessel appears to have been abandoned.

LSIK&T:  McManx, have you managed to make out its registry yet?

T-BONE:  Admiral, it appears to be Lyudmila  - Emperor Misha's personal vessel.

KORRIOTH:  I thought he commandeered Executor II  for his personal use...?

LSIK&T:  Not since that incident with Durron and the Sun Crusher.  Got his ass rightly singed on that one - Executor  simply isn't fast enough nor manueverable enough.  (chews more knuckle)  I wonder...

KORRIOTH:  Admiral!!!  Torpedo tubes arming!!!

LSIK&T:  Evasive pattern Gamma!!!  K'hadibak'h, shields, now!!!

K'HADIBAK'H:  Incoming!!!

LSIK&T:  All hands, brace for impact!!!!!

[Everyone flinches as Lyudmila's  shot finds its target - the viewscreen of Pegasus  - and hits with a sickly-sounding sploosh.  (Think of Dark Helmet's vessel getting jammed in Spaceballs.)  Once His Rudeness™ realizes they haven't been vaporized, he cautiously peeks up.  A massive scowl crosses his face.]

LSIK&T:  Oh, shit.  It's a frickin' meme!!!

I’m supposed to divulge some weird facts about His Imperial Vileness, Brendan?


So now I get to tag people, mheh.

KORRIOTH:  Better you than me.

LSIK&T:  Shut up or I'll put you in command of the Hum-a-zoo.

KORRIOTH:  (grunt)

Okay, okay.  Six weird things that few folks know about me.  Don't say I didn't warn you.

1) At one time - specifically, back in 1980 - I was considered one of the five best "hah skrewl" (a little Rush lingo, there) tenors in the city of Fort Worth.  I was one of the ones chosen to participate in solo competition down in Austin.  Didn't do too badly, either, though it coulda been better.

2) As much as I love football, you'd think I'd've played organizationally at some point.  And you'd be wrong.  Guys with my build weren't sought out in the schools I attended, not even for the offensive line.  Which was rather curious - because whenever I played a disorganized game of "tackle the man with the football" during recess, no one - and I do mean no one  - ever was able to bring me down.  Period.

3) I'm an accomplished (though not licensed nor commissioned) driving instructor.  In college, I helped an old girlfriend practice for her driving test, taking her to the mall on Sunday mornings and letting her work on turns, parallel parking, backing up and the like in my old Ford Maverick.  I later sold her the Maverick so that I could go buy a car with a manual transmision, which I owned for exactly six hours before one of my Spatulaites wrecked it (no fault of his own).  The girl owned that Maverick for many, many years.

4) In that same vein, I spent my first honeymoon teaching Wife Number One™ how to drive a standard - my old, beat-up 1978 Mustang II.  (What can I say?  It was a four-on-the-floor.)  To this day, Wife Number One™ still  drives a standard transmission, which makes me insufferably pleased with myself.

UPDATE:  Oh, and I also gave LC & Denizen Alan K. Henderson instruction in the fine art of the manual transmission.  Sadly, he chose instead to waste his money on an automatic.

5) I've only been rip-roaringly bombed-off-my-ass drunk once in my life - after a $.25 beer bash at a hotspot in Fort Worth about 25 years ago.  (I've been tipsy a couple other times, but not to this extent.)  It was a mile-and-a-half to my house, and I didn't so much as blink the entire way, for fear I'd wreck.

Once home, I rather loudly (though it didn't seem that way to me at the time) stumbled up the stairs and fell into bed.  Ninety seconds later, I tried to make it across the hall to the porcelain temple.

I was about five seconds late.

Two days later, Herr Stepfather informed me in no uncertain terms that if I did that again, I would be thrown out of the house.  Needless to say, I've been sober since then.

6) I hate tagging people, and I don't have six people to tag, though I'm tempted to get back at Chris Muir and Frank for never having blogrolled me.  But, seeing as they might say, "Lord who?", I'll settle for these guys:

The SpatulaGoddess (hey don't give me that look - I owed you one, remember?)

LC & Denizen Deathknyte (I figure he's too busy/broke to make it down here to kill me )

Feel free, guys. 

Update the 2nd:  Oh, yeah - you're it too, Alan. (grin)

Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at February 19, 2007 05:53 PM

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