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June 29, 2007
NFL Europe: 1991 - 2007
FRANKFURT, Germany – The NFL folded its development league in Europe after 16 years on Friday, calling the decision a sound business move that will allow for a stronger international focus on regular-season games outside the United States.The announcement came less than a week after the Hamburg Sea Devils beat the Frankfurt Galaxy 37-28 in the World Bowl title game in Frankfurt before a crowd of 48,125. Five of the league's six teams are based in Germany, with the other in Amsterdam, Netherlands.
A statement on the German-language edition of the NFL's Web site said the NFL decided to concentrate its "strategies and resources" on regular-season games outside the United States in an effort to reach as many people as possible.
Memo to Rajah Goody-Two-Shoes: Y'know, maybe if you had - oh, I dunno - ESTABLISHED AN AMERICAN TV MARKET FOR IT!!!!!! - it might have had at least some moderate success.
You know, like the Arena Football League has.
And yes - I know this was mostly your predecessor's doing (damn that (@%)@@^*@!!! Tagliabue). But it wouldn't have hurt to have had at least one network carrying the games, hm? Y'know, like Fox Sports Net did a couple years ago.
Chalk another one up to NFL extreme shortsightedness...
Posted by sgc284 at 11:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 27, 2007
Memo to "D. Aristofuckhead": FOAD.
If you've been keeping up with the Rott at all, you know that I've recently found out that my stepdaughter soon-to-be-adopted daughter is pregnant. A fact I first made mention of in this thread.
Naturally, Misha's post was picked up by the knee-jerk (emphasis on the latter) website, "Sadly, No Brains (or Balls)", and subsequently parroted around certain points of the Nutroot-o-Sphere. (Amazing, isn't it, how they call us "mind-numbed robots", yet are wholly incapable of any original thought themselves.)
KORRIOTH: And this suprises you...how again, m'Liege?
LSIK&T: Yeah, yeah, I know - "Don't expect great things from the ShortBus-o-Sphere."
Anyway, one of the sockpuppets "commenters" over at Sadly, No Brains (or Balls) couldn't resist opening his skanky piehole:
apparently Father-of-the-Year (730 B.C. winner) Lord Spatula has a 15-year-old pregnant stepdaughter who he’s forbidden from having an abortion (which she wants).
Well, not so fast there, Sparky. Thankfully, she's decided to take the advice of people a helluva lot smarter than you - granted, it only takes one functioning brain cell, but still - and decided against an abortion.
She's decided, D. Aristo-assclown, that she doesn't want to be like you - a pre-adolescent, tantrum-throwing, piss-drinking, jism-guzzling asscrust who screams & cries when he doesn't get his way - but rather a responsible human being who's ready to own up to her mistakes.
Unlike your parents.
But let me make one thing crystal clear to you, you colostomy-bag-gulping son of a crack-whore-bitch:
This is our daughter - not yours and not anyone else's. Ours. We will raise her as we see fit, and just what the ever-lovin' Hell do you think you're gonna do about it?
Because you're so fucking clue-challenged, D. Aristo-asswipe, I'll tell you: Not a motherfucking thing. Her mother and I will instill the values in her that we want, and we will train her up in the way we think she should go, and you're going to sit there with that butt-plug of yours firmly inserted and watch. And you can save your pissing & moaning for someone who gives a shit about your half-assed, Mongoloid opinion - because we sure as Hell don't.
We will raise her the way we see fit, and if that doesn't meet with your personal approval, shit-for-brains, you can go fuck yourself. Preferably with a dirty needle. Or seventeen.
Or you can show up on my doorstep and I'll beat it into whatever passes for the fecal material between your ears. Your choice.
Otherwise, you fucking bastard, you can eat shit and die. You won't be missed, and we can use the extra oxygen.
Stupid asshole. 
Posted by sgc284 at 06:24 PM | Comments (12) | TrackBack
June 25, 2007
Chris Benoit: 1967 - 2007 (Updated again)
The business of professional wrestling lost one of its absolute best today. Chris Benoit, along with his wife Nancy and their son Daniel, were found today at their home in Fayetteville, GA. Chris Benoit was 40.
Cause of death is unknown at this time.
The Realm™ extends its deepest condolences. Chris was one of this scribe's favorite entertainers in the genre, and he will be very much missed.
UPDATE: AP is reporting that this is being handled as a double murder/suicide.
Holy shit.
UPDATE the 2nd: It's been reported now that Benoit strangled his wife Nancy last Saturday, then smothered his 7-year-old, suffering-from-Fragile-X-Syndrome son Daniel on Sunday, before hanging himself in his weight room on Monday.
I have no idea what could make Benoit snap like that, although there are reports that he & Nancy were arguing about caring for Daniel prior to the killings, and Nancy had previously filed for divorce from Chris back in 2003 before reconciling.
I do not believe, however, that steroids were a part of this. Although they were found in the Benoit household during the subsequent investigation, Benoit did not have a 'roid freak's physique, per se. Plus, the WWE claims that he tested negative for 'roids back in April.
Right now, all we can do is wait and watch. This story isn't going away that soon.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:37 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
Oh, so that's what it was...
ITEM: All season long, the Texass stRangers have been insisting that there's nothing wrong with Vicente Padilla's arm, despite the fact that he's 3-8 with a 6.69 ERA in 15 starts this season.
ITEM: Padilla went on the 15-day Dl with what they're calling "triceps inflammation behind the right elbow".
Oh. 
As the credibility slide for this franchise continues...
Posted by sgc284 at 12:05 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 24, 2007
Weird-assed story of the day
One that - gasp, arrrrrrgh!!!! - didn't come from the SpatulaGoddess. 
It's right here. Prepare to scrunch up your face a la Kermit the Frog.
I just have one question: What the Hell™ is a Belvedere? 'Zat any relation to the Edsel? 
Posted by sgc284 at 05:12 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 23, 2007
Pro-alien Senate whores reacting poorly to pressure
So our betters in the Imperial Socialist Congress™ figure they're just gonna run over our asses with this zhamesty bill, right?
Well, not so fast there, Sparky.
Momentum is building against immigration legislation among Senate Republicans, said Senator John Cornyn of Texas, who is opposing his old ally, President George W. Bush, on this issue."We're beginning to see some of the people that would have ordinarily voted to proceed with the bill to say, 'hey, this process is not fair, it's not transparent'", Cornyn said in an interview with Bloomberg Television's "Political Capital with Al Hunt," scheduled to air today. "The way this bill has come up has caused it some serious problems."
Damned right it has, Senator Doofus. Chief amongst which is that the American people - that is to say, the real ones, the legal Americans, as opposed to the 20 million whose asses you bastards are so intent on kissing - don't want this crock of shit to become law.
In an attempt to resuscitate the measure, Senate leaders agreed this week on a limited package of about two dozen amendments to be considered next week.
Anything they can do to ram it down the throats of us commoners, eh what?
Cornyn said that isn't enough."This is a bill that was written behind closed doors by a small group of senators, and now it's being brought to the floor again without an opportunity to offer, freely offer, amendments and to have the kind of debate that I think this topic deserves," the senator said.
But...but...but...but that's Standard Operating Procedure™ for you twits!!! Isn't it, Senator Cor-Whorenyn?
Cornyn said the congressional debate on what to do with the 12 million immigrants illegally in the U.S. has "fallen short" because it has focused only on whether to give them citizenship or deport them.
Precisely. And it needs to be "how best can we catch and deport these pendejos, and never let them back in the fucking door?" That's what it needs to be!
The current proposal, which would let undocumented immigrants gain legal status after paying a fine, isn't sufficient punishment for people in this country illegally, the senator said. "It looks like we're selling American citizenship," he said.
Because that's exactly what you fuckers are doing, Cor-Whore.
You turds are wanting to charge these ILLEGAL ALIENS five-large for the right to stay here, or at the very least go touch a toe back on Messy-can soil, then go to the front of the line for fast-track citizenship. Ahead of those honorable Mexican nationals who are following the fucking process!!!
All so that your masters at Big Business™ can have all the cheap-assed labor they crave.
In fact, five'll get you ten that this is nothing more than code-speak for the rest of Cor-Whore's co-conspirators in the Senate that's really saying, "Dammit! We're not camoflauging this well enough! We're not doing a good-enough job of fooling those proletariat swine!!!"
Y'know, Cor-Whorenyn, it'd go a lot easier for you fuckwads up there if you'd just be honest with us and just say you don't give a damn about the American people who put you in your position in the first place. Not that it's going to go all that well for you when we've finally decided we've had enough...
Cornyn said the U.S. would be in "big trouble" if failure to pass immigration legislation blocked an increase in the number of visas for skilled workers, as sought by technology companies including Google Inc., owner of the most popular Internet search engine, and Microsoft Corp., the world's largest software maker."This is more than just about low-skilled, relatively poorly educated individuals who are picking crops or working on construction sites," he said.
"This is about keeping the best and the brightest, the kind of people who train in American universities and who we end up now, under our current policy, sending home so they can compete with us and take jobs overseas," the senator said.
Awright, I call bullshit.
I'd like to see 1000 of these illegal fuckheads that fit that description, Cor-Whore. Give me their names, tell me where they are, show me what they're majoring in.
The fact is that those who are intelligent enough to be going to universities and learning high-tech skills aren't the ones crossing the border in the middle of the night, nor are they the ones paying illgal money to the coyotes to bring them here in overheated big-rig trailers, okay? They know that there's a right way to come over here, and a wrong way. And they're doing things the right way.
And my best friend just happens to be one of those people who did just that. Allow me to introduce you to him.
"I actually would like to see us pass comprehensive immigration reform."
There's your money quote, right there, guys.
This pussy isn't interested in securing our borders. He's not interested in rounding up the ILLEGAL ALIENS who aren't supposed to be here and throwing their sorry asses out of the country. Cor-Whore doesn't give a fat rat's ass whether an Al-Qaida terrorist can cross our border and detonate a suitcase nuke in downtown Houston or Dallas or God-knows-where. All this motherfucker wants is his so-called comprehensive immigration reform, so that They Who Truly Hold His Leash™ will give him a cookie. One wonders how big the kickbacks from his Big Business™ masters are going to be.
I think it's probably about time you came home, Johnny-Boy Cor-Whorenyn.
With the backing of Democrats who backed the legislation earlier this month, supporters will need almost two dozen Republicans to move forward."We'll find out on Tuesday if there's 60 senators," Cornyn said. "It really changes minute by minute."
Can'tcha just hear the Chrismassy tone in his voice, Denizens? This son-of-a-bitch wants the bill to go forward. He wants to throw the borders wide-fucking-open. He and the rest of the fucking bourgeois up there.
Keep up the good work up there, dipshits. We're almost through locking & loading down here in Commonerville.
Fucking bastard asswipes.
F.E.J.F.E
Posted by sgc284 at 09:32 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 20, 2007
They did what...?
I don't feel like writing tonight.
Tonight's Grab-Bag™, therefore, is from LC Guido Cabrone:
Gee, Cap'n Jack...I knew you were swishy 'n all, but... 
Posted by sgc284 at 11:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 17, 2007
Happy Father's Day, Denizens.
Denizens, I don't mind telling you that stuff like this brings tears to my eyes:
As you know, I never served in the military (they have a thing against lasagna guts and flat feet). OneOfTheseDays™, though, I pray to God that my own son gets to greet me like that.
Lord willing, he will.
Happy Father's Day 2007.
Posted by sgc284 at 02:10 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
Media screws up another one
ITEM: Last week, the Dullest Moaning Snooze called the Dallas mayor's runoff race too close to call, giving businessman Tom Leppert a 47-45 edge over homosexual councilcritter Ed Oakley (margin of error 5.8%).
ITEM: Last night, Leppert kicked the shit out of the heterophobe, 58%-42%.
Thus raising the question "Why do we take the media seriously when handicapping political races, anywayz?"
Posted by sgc284 at 11:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 16, 2007
Well, now we know
So Bob Barker retired from game show hosting after 50 years on the job (the last 35 at CBS for The Price Is Right).
I'm starting to think it wasn't Barker's choice. I'm getting the definite impression that CBS forced his ass out the door.
Reason: The doddering old bird is getting senile.
Bob Barker endorsed his friend Rosie O'Donnell as a possible successor on "The Price Is Right," although the newly retired host isn't sure CBS wants a woman to take over the game show.[...]
Barker said his friendship with O'Donnell goes back several years, when she had him as a guest on her old daytime talk show.
"She told me she loved `The Price Is Right' and wanted to host it one day," he recalled.
One wonders what Goodson & Todman ever did to this guy to make him hate them so. Talk about a show-killer...
Posted by sgc284 at 01:50 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 14, 2007
The (gasp!) Major Annoucement™
Okay, Denizens, I guess you could consider me "back". Not that that means a whole lot - the honeymoon's not until the end of July, which is when I'll really be out of pocket. And I have posted a couple of things during the last three weeks.
Anyway, with all that said, I believe I mentioned something about a "major announcement".
So here it is.
There ain't one. Not yet, anyway.
See, here's the deal: I'd told a couple folks that I was probably going to retire as a regular, active blogger once I'd gotten married. The same maladies that caused me to close up the BBS 10 years ago or so are now once again in place - i.e, no time to do much of anything, least of all write.
The fact that I'm on the road all day long doesn't help things any. Life was a lot more fun when I was sitting at a desk, waiting for the next cry for help from just down the hall. Trouble is, it was also a lot less pay, too. 
Plus, there's the matter of trying to find a house, trying to keep this place relatively clean, paying bills, the side business, that sort of thing. And that I'm usually exhausted by day's end helps things not one whit.
The plan was, therefore, to shut this place down and continue ranting, raving and pontificating (not to mention crank out those therapeutic PFWs ( 
) over at the Rott.
Well, not so fast.
Fact is, I'm not ready to give up this gig yet. Things won't always be this hectic, and it'll be a beast to fire up the warp engines again. (You think it was hell on Kirk's Enterprise??? Try a cold restart on a Worf-class bird-of-prey. Threw us all the way back to...well, you didn't think Merlin signed on of his own accord, did you?)
MERLIN: And I'll have you know I still feel it in that knee when the weather changes!!!
LSIK&T: Shut up or you're feeding K'hadibak'h's pet Ferengi tomorrow.
MERLIN (cringing): Ew.
Anyway, y'all have to put up with me for a while longer. So there. Plbsthhhhhhh!!!! 
Posted by sgc284 at 09:11 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 12, 2007
How to handle a telemarketer
As much as it does pain me to admit it - yes. I used to be a...a...telemarketer. (hangs head in abject shame)
And I'm damned glad this didn't get pulled on me. (Spew warnings in effect!)
Posted by sgc284 at 10:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 11, 2007
Nuclear bitch-slap of Dingy Harry
(Hat tip Hot Air.)
Oh, this is good. This is damned good. This is fist-pump-in-the-air, ROFLMFAOASTC good.
Have a look:
GodBlessDennisMiller™. Thatisall™.
UPDATE: Okay, looks like I'm having trouble keeping it online. The Hot Air link should have it.
UPDATE the 2nd: YouTube to the rescue! 
Posted by sgc284 at 05:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 06, 2007
Pictures, we got pictures!
(Crossposted at the Rott.)
Okay, so two weeks ago or so, I stepped in front of a wedding-qualified official-type person for the (mumble mumble)th time ( ), engaged in a private little ceremony, and am now planning on where to go have dinner with two of my bestest friends in the Blogosphere and some of my Beloved Bride's Buds™.
At this point, I'm thinking On The Border™. Festive, there's margaritas there, relatively inexpensive, there's margaritas there, cozy, there's margaritas there...did I mention that there's margaritas there?
La Reina Espatula™ is advising caution, however, as she's not sure if her friends already have a bistro in mind. "No worries", I'm thinking, "I'll just use my powers of persuasion...
(there will be a short pause here as BC finishes up with his sudden coughing fit)
...to talk 'em into OTB. Okay? Okay.
So our little two-vehicle convoy - myself, the SpatulaBride™ and the SpatulaGoddess™ - pull up at Ana's former place of employment, a little school called Descubrir, I and my new wife walk inside while the SG waits in her van, so that I can announce Our Plans™ for Ana's pals for the next four hours.
Before I can utter a word, however, they open the door to their main classroom...and both my jaw and that of the SpatulaBride™ hit the floor at warp speed.
For this is what awaited us...
(Click on the pic to take you to the rest of 'em.)
Needless to say, a bodaciously fun time was had by all (though probably the most fun was had by the Royal Heirs™, who were bouncing like Super Balls™ all over the place all night long).
And, as soon as we secure our house, we'll have our own little homewarming shindig in the form of Texas Blogfest '07: Spats Can BBQ, Too!!!.
Enjoy the pics!
Posted by sgc284 at 10:45 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
June 05, 2007
Happy blogoversary, Alan!
If you send a link to one of your posts to another blogger, don't request that you be linked - that's already implied by the email.
Oh, is that what that was for?
Denizens, one of the culprits the ones who need to be frog-marched those responsible for me getting into blogging in the first place celebrates his fifth blogoversary today. Hie thee hence and give Alan K. Henderson a pat-on-the-back for all his hard work.
Yes, that's an order.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 02, 2007
The thing is, he makes more sense this way
Tommy-boy Tomorrow forgot to apply the Barking Moonbat Translator™ this week:
He needs to leave it off. It makes his bullshit slightly less unreadable.
Posted by sgc284 at 02:14 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
New North American Union currency
LC Scott over at the Rott says it best:
Pretty much sums it up.
Eff ewe, Shrubya.
Posted by sgc284 at 01:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 01, 2007
What happens when "baseball knowledge" comes from a box of Cracker Jacks©...
Okay, I'm not exactly "back" yet. But I promised an asshole a verbal bitch-slapping of gargantuan proportions, and by Cthulu, I'm gonna deliver it.
As you guys may know, I'm a semi-participant in a Dullest Moaning Snooze blog concerning the Texass stRangers. The woefully inept Rangers, I might add.
Part of the reason they're so shitty is because they have no starting pitching to speak of. Part of the reason for that is because their half-assed excuse-for-a-general manager, Jon "In Over His Head" Daniels is, well, in over his head. So much so, in fact, that he traded his (at the time) best pitching prospect, a big, 6'10" stud of an arm, Chris Young, plus first baseman Adrian Gonzalez for oft-injured, not-all-that-great pitcher Adam Eaton, reliever Akinora Otsuka and a mess o' pottage.
Eaton promptly hurt the same finger he'd hurt the previous year, had surgery, missed half the season, underwhelmed the Ranger faithful the half he did pitch, and subsequently signed a free-agent contract in Philadelphia, where he toils in relative obscurity with a 5.73 ERA.
Young, meanwhile, just dropped his ERA to 2.42 with a seven-inning, no-run masterful effort against Pittsburgh.
So here's this asswipe named "Steven" (why, oh why do I have to share a name with this twit?) who's kissing Jon Daniels' ass so much that he's now the proud owner of a friggin' goatee, and he's desperately trying to justify the Young-Eaton trade. He's making the completely indefensible statement that he'd rather have Adam Eaton, with his six years or so of major-league experience and in a contract year, than Chris Young. Whereupon I went and looked up Eaton's numbers from last year (it was a "contract year" for him, after all), and Young's numbers were still better.
At this point, I'm warning the dumbass not to get into a fact-checking game with me, 'cause I'll rip his ass every time. I am the Blogosphere, after all. The dickweed responded the only way the dickweed knew how - the patented ad hominem attack. I cautioned him against getting in a flame war with me, since...well, you guys know why, right?
Of course, the mongoloid failed to heed the advice...
OOOOOOH Spats I really am afraid of getting in a flame war with you. You can do so much damage with your keystrokes [roll eyes]
You really don't know with whom you're messing, do you, fuckhead? I mean, I s'pose I could post this on the Rott and let upwards of 1100 people daily look at it and laugh their asses off at you, but I figure I just need to let The Six Or Seven That Still Read Me™ see just what a shit-for-brains you really are.
Its funny you actually think I prefer a 5.7 ERA to a 2.70 ERA. Thats funny. Its just what I needed when I woke up this afternoon.
Oh, great. Just what we need. Not only did he get all his "baseball knowledge" (a phrase he likes to throw around a lot) out of a box of CrackerJacks© - now we find out our tax dollars are supporting him while he sleeps the day away in mommy's basement, eating Cheesy Poofs™ and tossing to Pee Wee Herman.
Now, it would be a lot funnier - if you hadn't actually said it. But here's the money quote, from you, for all to see:
Please show me where I said I would take Adam Eaton THIS year over Chris Young. But I would take a healthy Eaton in a CONTRACT year over Young in a heartbeat.
He's almost got me there, except for one minor detail: In Eaton's "contract year" - last year - he had a 7-4 record with a whopping 5.12 ERA, while Young's record/ERA was 11-5, 3.46.
It follows, therefore, that he must luuuuuuurve the comparison this year, where Eaton's 5.73 is faaaaaar superior to Young's 2.42. Isn't that right, Steven, you dumbfuck?
But that isn't even the funniest thing in your post.
No, the funniest thing is that I've shredded every argument you've ever made about this shitty trade, and you keep moving the goalposts and attempting to half-assed justify your position with "numb3rs" sites that supposedly back up your claim that Eaton's a better pitcher. A claim which we all know by now is total bullshit.
But that won't stop you, will it, Short Bus?
The fact that you call 26 year old ROOKIE pitcher a stud almost made me spew my cereal everywhere.
I do hope your mommy didn't have too much trouble picking up all those Froot Loops©. Can be such a pain.
He was obviously such a stud that it took him until he was 26 to make it to the majors while playing in the EXPOS and RANGERS farm systems. The only reason it would take a stud pitcher until he was 26 to reach the majors is he was on a team with 5 future hall of fame pitchers already in the rotation and nobody got hurt. And I don't think the Rangers have ever had a rotation with 5 future hall of famers in the last few years.
What Mr. "Baseball Knowledge" hasn't stopped to consider is that: 1) Young spent his 18th to his 22nd years at a place of which Widdle Stevie's probably never heard - a college.
And while at that college - Princeton, if y'all must know - he starred in two sports: Baseball and basketball. And was so good at basketball, in fact, that the Sacramento "Sad Sack" Kings of the NBA once invited him to their training camp. Given that he wasn't focusing on solely one sport, it follows that it took a little longer than usual to develop whatever skills he needed to succeed. And that he still made it to the majors in four years is nothing short of remarkable. Yeah, Widdle Stevie, you dumb shit - I'm calling him a stud, and that's why.
Sucks to have yet another argument ripped to pieces by me, but that's your problem - not mine.
I don't think I ever said Eaton would be a sub 3.00 ERA pitcher did I? But as I have said if you truly believe Chris Young is a sub 3.00 ERA pitcher here in Arlington then your baseball knowledge is in serious doubt by myself.
Coming from an assclown who got his out of a box of Cracker Jacks©, this analysis of your doesn't impress me very much. Perhaps if you spent as much time studying the game of baseball as you do kissing Jon Daniels' ass...
Oh I would also really like to meet these people who were "sorry" for getting in a flame war with you
You can start by looking in the mirror, pussy. I just handed you your ass on a platter.
Again.
Posted by sgc284 at 09:40 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack