Local time where you're at. ("Where you're at"?)

Denizens, as we begin this week’s episode of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153, I wanna direct your attention to the following screenshot below.

Now, obviously I’m writing this before the game’s started (at least, I started&#160 the post in the morning), and they have since changed it.&#160 However…I took this screenshot on Tuesday.

Think maybe there’s something the Lame Stream Mediots&#153 at the Startlegram know, that I don’t?

Let’s get on with it.&#160 It is my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets against the White Settlement (TX) Brewer hah skrewl&#160 (a little Rush lingo, there) Bears right now as I continue to type this.&#160 I have no idea how good Brewer is, except that they’ve kicked the shit outta both Trimble Tech & Western Hills the last couple o’ weeks.

Uh, oh.

Tomorrow morning, it’s an early breakfast for Gary Patterson and his 16th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs as they travel to Lawrence, KS, to face our old friends and former PFW targets, Rock Chalk.&#160 And I was really&#160 looking forward to this one – at least, until they canned Turner Gill.

KU has Charlie Weis now – and while he’s a good offensive coordinator and a decent enough head coach, he’s not all that great.&#160 If he were, do you think Notre Dame would’ve ever gotten rid of him?

Still, Vegas has the Frogs as a 21-point road favorite – and I just don’t buy that.&#160 Yes, TCU kicked the snot outta Grambling, and yes – Rock Chalk lost to Rice, of all people, at home.&#160 Call it a “trap” game if you want – I just don’t have a good feeling about this one.

Speaking of Turner Gill, his Division I-AA Liberty U. Flames are on the road at Montana this week.&#160 Montana beat S.Dakota State, but lost to Appalachian State (no shame there), so we’ll apply the SpatulaLine and ask Turner to keep it within, say, 35.

Also tomorrow, we’ll see if Bo Pelini’s Nebraska Cornhuskers can throw up something more than a matador defense against perennial powerhouse&#160 (*cough*) Arkansas State.&#160 (Then again, State may be the best team in&#160 Arkansas at the moment.&#160 &#160 )

Vegas has the Huskers as a 23&#189-point favorite at home, so look for it to come down to a Brett Maher field goal.

Bucky – that’s unranked&#160 Bucky, for the first time in Cthulhu knows when – is home Saturday to take out all of their Oregon State frustrations on the Aggies of Utah State.&#160 The Ags just got through upsetting BYU last week though (why anyone considers that an upset is beyond me – that program isn’t exactly headed in a northerly direction, y’know?), so this isn’t a gimme, although Vegas thinks they’re a solid 13&#189-point favorite at Camp Randall.&#160 The Badgers need to get it in gear fast, though, so we’ll see what happens.

Sunday afternoon, it’s the Dallas C’girlz on the road to take on the Seattle Seahags.&#160 Bucky’s own Russell Wilson starts now for the Seahawks, and word is that he’s a poor man’s ARRRRRRRRRR GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

I disagree vehemently.&#160 I think Wilson’s actually got some talent.

(Oklahoma gets a week off to finish digesting Florida A&M.&#160 Burp.)

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, HDD…how would you try & defend Russell Wilson?

Denizens, I was going to offer commentary on all the crap going on in Egypt and the rest of the Middle East, but Misha has it all covered.

Well worth your time, go and read, ThatIsAll&#153.

(The following is a column which appeared on my old web site, www.spatulacitybbs.com, on September 11th, 2001.&#160 It is re-posted now in remembrance of then.)

NOTE: This column contains some coarse language. Back out now if such language offends you, please.

I got four hours of sleep last night. I’m fighting the obligatory yearly case of tonsillitis. My throat hurts like Hell ™, my body is racked with soreness, and – not to put too fine a point thereupon – I’m in need of a tube of Prep H.

You get the idea. (sigh)

So here I am on LBJ Freeway in Dallas, plodding my way through traffic, fighting hard the urge to fall asleep at the wheel, literally. I’m listening to our sports-talk/guy-talk station on AM, the Ticket (KTCK 1310), when the sports jocks there suddenly exclaim something to the effect of, “WTF…?!”. Apparently, a heavy jet has veered off course and slammed into one of the World Trade Center twin towers in New York City.

“Wow,” I’m thinking, “they’ll likely stay with this one all day”, and I immediately turn over to the news/talk station here, WBAP 820, for all the coverage. Yes, I admit it – I’m fascinated by carnage.

At that point, though, I’m thinking tragic accident. Somebody’s plane lost its hydraulics and careened out of control, and the World Trade Center, unfortunately, was simply in the way.

That was 7:50. At 8:09, my worldview – and that of 280 million Americans, I would bet – changed radically.

At that point, a second jet slammed headfirst into the other tower. At that point, it’s not just a major tragedy. This looks just a weeeee bit too organized to be a coincidence.

It’s 8:20 when I get to the office, and I meet my buddy and old Wingtip Courier dispatcher as he’s driving up. He hasn’t been paying attention to anything. We get inside the office, and I bring him and our other compadre up to speed on things (he wasn’t listening to the radio, either, which was surprising). I go into my office and try pulling up a video stream for any of this. It’s 8:25.

Fifteen minutes later, the message is clear: America is under attack for the first time in 60 years. Yet another heavy jet has crashed – this one into the Pentagon. Reports are coming in about multiple hijackings. I’ve read a report about a worldwide alert issued last Friday concerning our resident international terrorist, Osama bin Laden, Two & two are quickly starting to come together.

(Side note: Don’t let them tell you they had no warning. I’m not kidding about that worldwide alert concerning bin Laden. They knew. Damned right they knew.)

(SECOND SIDE NOTE:&#160 As I go through the years, I’m less inclined to blame the Bush Administration than I was nine years ago.&#160 Sure, they knew it was possible, but all they had was a general warning.&#160 Nothing specific that said they were going to do what they did precisely on that day.&#160 So the Bush Administration gets a pass from me on this one.

The Demoscum, on the other hand…)

I can’t pull up anything on the ‘Net – and I have a T1 at work. The radio offers some details, but I want to know more. I run across the street to the CompUSSR to scope out the TV images.

And ohmigod – what TV images. I saw the second plane come in behind the first tower, and a plume of fire and deep black smoke explode out the other side. I saw the collapsed side of the Pentagon. I saw both WTC towers collapse – I had to ask someone if they’d collapsed all the way, so incredulous was the scene there. (A third building nearby would collapse six hours later.) I heard reports of yet another plane crash – this one near Pittsburgh. Rumor has it that the plane was headed to Camp David – we’re somewhere around the anniversary of the Camp David accords, so I hear.

Returned to work around 11:00 in a state of near-shock. Twenty minutes later, I received the go-ahead to go home. After a quick stop-off at the school to check on my wife, I arrived home and turned on the TV to Fox.

The images there were even more unbelievable than before. Fox had the direct angle on the second tower hit. They also had better angles on the collapse of both towers – although by that time, there was so much smoke & dust that one could hardly make anything out.

After a quick lunch, I sit down here to gather news stories, and I find this.

That’s right, sports fans. Here are a group of Palestinian squids laughing, dancing and cheering the attack on us, whom they call “the Great Satan”.

Compassionate people, those Palestinians.

Okay, now that I’ve bored you with my day, here’s my analysis: CNN early on was doing everything it could to avoid calling it a terrorist attack. But, Spatulaites & Spatulaettes, it’s too coordinated, too organized to be anything but. These events had to be planned months in advance. Certain people had to be installed at just the right junctures in order to pull this off – our airport security procedures, despite the fact that they’re handled by part-timers making minimum wage, are still way too strict. People who knew how to fly those planes had to arrange for passage on these planes. This would have been a major undertaking for simply one airliner – for four to have been hijacked in this manner and turned into suicide machines screams for the fact that this is more than just a Chinese fire drill.

So. Who’s got the capability to pull it off? Who has the money to train these thugs, place them right where they needed to be placed, and then turned loose? And who among them hates us enough to target us? Not to mention, who’s stupid-assed enough to try it?

If you haven’t figured it out by now, go back to school and take a comprehensive reading course. You think about it, there’s really only one man who qualifies: Osama bin Laden.

There can be no question. The mastermind behind the 1993 bombing at the aforementioned World Trade Center is so consumed with hatred for the United States that it sticks in his craw that he failed to bring us down eight years ago. So he decided to try and finish the job, gambling that we’ll be too chicken-shit to do anything about it.

(Second side note: Yeah, the Palestinians and the Taliban in Afghanistan are denying responsibility. Don’t believe the bastards. This is their baby.)

This is where George W. Bush needs to prove him wrong. Take this one to the bank, my friends: The Bush presidency – whether he believes it or not, whether he likes it or not – rides on how he handles this.

America is screaming for justice. More to the point, America is screaming for revenge. This is nothing short of an act of war. Yes, war. There’s been a formally undeclared one on us now, by most of the non-Israeli countries of the Middle East, for several years now. The Muslims hate our guts. The Syrians, the Iraqis, the Iranians – we’re their enemy. “Death To America” has been cruising at #1 on the Middle Eastern Top 40 for several years. They’re getting bolder, too – because they think we’re too cowardly to fight back. They think we’ve forgotten how to fight.

If George Bush has any balls, now’s the time to prove them wrong.

This is your solution, like it or not: Any country harboring terrorists – that would include Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Libya, Syria, et. al. – must be wiped from the face of the earth.

Scramble 30 bombers. Five warheads each – six if the plane will hold it. Bomb the shit out of these countries – get rid of these raghead bastards.

So what if you take innocents out, too? This is war, people. They don’t care about killing our innocents; why should we give a shit about theirs??

And that goes for the Palestinians, too. Let’s do Israel a favor and eliminate those sons-of-bitches from the annals of history, as well. They want to laugh and make merry at our misfortune, they need to pay the ultimate price.

Show the world some balls, George W. Teach them that there’s a price for fucking with America. Demonstrate to them that we have not forgotten how to fight!

Gonna be a season full of Executive Fiats&#153, I think.

Arlington Heights 41, Paschal 9

at #20 TCU 56, Grambling State 0

at #5 Oklahoma 69, Florida A&M 13

#16 Nebraska 30, at #22 UCLA 36

#13 Wisconsin 7, at Oregon State 10

at Liberty 24, Norfolk State 31

Dallas 24, at NY Football Douchebags 17

Heights may, indeed, not be as good as in previous years.

But Paschal is still Paschal.&#160

Arlington Heights’ defense forced three turnovers, including a key interception returned for a touchdown, and held Paschal to 24 yards rushing in a 41-9 nondistrict victory Friday.

Five players scored touchdowns for the Yellow Jackets (1-1), who controlled the tempo with a running game that gained 239 yards on 31 carries and two touchdowns.

Senior quarterback Vincent Berrones ran for a score and passed for another, and sophomore quarterback Doak Dozier, who platooned with Berrones, had touchdowns to Brennan Bibbs and Devon Doggett late in the first half.

—

Memo to Gary Patterson:&#160 Going forward, this&#160 is how you schedule season openers.&#160 New stadium, new conference, one Division I-AA patsy all ready to take an ass-whipping for the big payday.

Hell, it’s how the elite college football programs do it – why not?

Casey Pachall was 9-9-201 with three touchdown passes – then for good measure, Trevone Boykin – who played the second half so as to not run the score up too&#160 much – went 8-8-75, as the Frogs set a new NCAA record for most pass attempts in a game without an incompletion.

Josh Boyce caught four balls for 102 yards and two scores, and Waymon James rushed five times for 69 yards and a touchdown.

Even the Frogs’ new kicker, Jaden Oberkrom, looks like an upgrade over BCS killer Ross Evans.

Sure beats the hell outta opening the season in a hick town with an inexperienced secondary getting torched by a bogus Heisman Trophy jackass throwing illegal forward passes and getting homer calls.

—

Dominique Whaley appears to have played the role of Wally Pipp Saturday night.

Whaley ran 10 times for 63 yards and a score, but did fumble for the third time in two games.

Enter Damien Williams.

Williams broke off an 89-yard touchdown run and finished with 156 yards rushing and four scores in a record-setting Owen Field debut, powering No. 5 Oklahoma to a 69-13 victory over Florida A&M on Saturday night.

Williams’ rushing total was the most for a player in his first game at the Sooners’ home field, and he became only the fourth player at the school to eclipse 100 yards rushing in each of his first two games. Adrian Peterson was the last to do it, in 2004.

Landry Jones went 19-28-252, a score and one pick.

—

Liberty, essentially, gave away the game.&#160 A 41-yard fumble return by Norfolk’s Marcell Coke did in the Flames.

—

Bucky ran for a total of 35 yards Saturday afternoon.

Lemme say that again, so it can sink in: The Wisconsin Badgers, possessing one of the most feared offensive lines & running games in the country – the team that almost literally ran through&#160 TCU in the 2011 Rose Bowl – gained a total of 35 yards against Oregon State in Corvallis.

How bad was it?&#160 It just today cost offensive line coach Mike Markuson his job.

Let’s not mince words here:&#160 Bucky played like shit against a Pac-12 team.&#160 A Pac-12 team.&#160 And not really even one of the better ones, at that.

But the Beavers shut the Badgers out for 58&#189 minutes.&#160 Only a desperation drive from quarterback Danny O’Brien prevented the shutout – and then Bucky botched the onside kick, touching it before it went the required ten yards.&#160 Ball game.

—

Let me be the first to say it:&#160 This may very well be Bo Pelini’s final year at Nebraska.

Bo is supposedly a defensive coach that gets the most out of his players.&#160 But the Huskers didn’t stop anyone&#160 Saturday.

UCLA has topped 640 yards of offense in each of its first two games under new offensive coordinator Noel Mazzone, the former Arizona State coordinator. Hundley, who rushed for a 72-yard TD on his first collegiate snap last week, repeatedly targeted Fauria, his 6-foot-7 tight end, and freshman receiver Devin Lucien.

“That’s a pretty good defense we were going against,” Mora said. “That’s the Blackshirts out there. For us to step up and run the ball like that, and to see Brett throwing like that, it’s great.

No, not really.&#160 If that were the Blackshirts out there, frat boy, you would’ve been lucky to get a third of what you got.

Taylor did well enough – he was 17-31-179 and had a 92-yard keeper for a TD – but he also threw a pick, and apparently hasn’t quite broken himself of the old mechanical problems.&#160 And he got himself sacked in the endzone for a safety, which broke a 27-27 tie and started the eventual Husker downfall.

Been nice knowin’ ya, Bo.

—

Well, Denizens?&#160 What’d I Tell Ya?

But I’ll also repeat what I’ve been saying for years: they need to. I maintain that if you hit Noo Yawk’s Third-Favorite Quarterback™ a few times, Princess E-why will crumble.

They did.&#160 He did.&#160 Told ya.

Now, I have to confess that Widdle Vickie Cruz did&#160 have three drops that he wouldn’t have normally.&#160 But there was one play in the third quarter or so where Princess E-why had Vickie streaking to the post – and he flat-out missed&#160 him.&#160 He threw the ball early – and I promise you it’s because he heard footsteps.

On the flip side, Dallas played a lot better than in recent games against the D-bags – particularly in the fourth quarter.&#160 In previous games, the C’girlz would be the ones crumbling, choking in the clutch when they needed a first down to keep a drive going, or a stop to get their defense off the field.

They got both in the fourth quarter Wednesday night, particularly on their last drive, when Romo hit Kevin Ogletree on a slant to convert a 3rd-and-10 at their 26 with the D-Bags having closed the gap to 24-17.&#160 The last thing you wanted to do was not convert that third down & give Princess E-why one more chance.&#160 This time, Romo delivered.

Now, it’s just one game; we have 15 more left to play.&#160 But I’ll take 1-0 over 0-1 any day.&#160 Especially since that one is against the New York Football Douchebags.

Okay, now for the housekeeping…

This week:&#160 4-3.&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved (executive fiat) (2).&#160 Overall: 8-4.

MERLIN:&#160 Wait, why the Executive Fiat&#153 this week.

KORRIOTH:&#160 Penn State lost again.

MERLIN:&#160 Ah.

VENOMOUS:&#160 Not just Penn State, guys.

at Virginia 17, Penn State 16

Louisiana-Monroe 34, #8 Arkansas 31 (OT)

Arkansas is my all-time #1 Anti-Team&#153.&#160 For your reference, Denizens, let’s put it this way – if Texas University (which I hate with the purplest of passions) plays Arkansas – I’m pulling for Texas.

And they just got beaten by Lousiana Monroe.&#160 Louisiana-Monroe is a Division I-AA school.

BWAH…!!!!!1!!!ONE!!1!!ELEVENTYBILLION!!!!11&#160

The PFW will return Friday, when we ask, “What the hell is the Fort Worth Startlegram smoking?!?!”

And the final word, Denizens, from the Demoscummic National Circle-Jerk Convention Circle-Jerk…comes from none other than the Patron Skank Saint For Abortion&#153, Ms.&#160 Gloria Allred:

Feminist lawyer Gloria Allred told The Daily Caller that she is supporting President Obama because he “cares” about protecting women’s rights while Republican nominee Mitt Romney will “take away our contraceptives.”

[…]

“Do I trust Romney and Ryan with my reproductive rights and the control over my body and my daughter’s and my granddaughter’s body? Absolutely not. This is not close,” Allred said.

Trust me, Glory baby…you have no worries when it comes to your “reproductive rights” and your right to an abortion.

Your face is doing a kick-ass job of that all on its own.

Hell, how you ever coaxed that p-whipped beta-male of yours to even get within 50 feet&#160 of that&#160 Bermuda Triangle is beyond me.&#160

As we get started with the first full version of the Perfect Football Weekend&#153 (meaning, of course, that everyone plays), I direct your attention to the following NFL Network video:

Behold, the quintessential NY Football Douchbags fan:&#160 Whiny.&#160 Needy.&#160 Clingy.&#160 Sniveling.&#160 Depends upon others to get him what he wants.

Just like the New York Football Douchebags.&#160 The pusstards who got the fucking zebras (let&#160 ’em stay out on strike, for all I give a shit – maybe the calls will be better) to give them a safety on a pass that I promise&#160 will never again be called thusly in last year’s Subpar Bowl (no, that’s not a typo).

The Douchebags (as we segue into the actual football) who host the Dallas C’boys tonight in the first game of the NFL season.&#160 Probably the Douchebags’ll win – they’ll get the homer calls, and they hold on every fucking play, anyway, so I doubt Demarcus Ware even gets a sniff of E-Why (Wo)Manning.

But I’ll also repeat what I’ve been saying for years:&#160 they need to.&#160 I maintain that if you hit Noo Yawk’s Third-Favorite Quarterback&#153 a few times, Princess E-why will&#160 crumble.

Try it & see, Demarcus.

Friday night, my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets renew an old, old rivalry when they take on R.L. Paschal’s Panthers at Ft. Worth’s Farrington Field.&#160 This’ll be Paschal’s first game, which is probably Heights’ only chance to squeak out a win.&#160 The Jackets have played Paschal well over the years – but that was when the talent cupboard wasn’t so bare.&#160 Paschal may finally end the losing streak here.

Saturday, Gary Patterson & his 20th-ranked TCU Horned Frogs christen the newly-rebuilt Amon G. Carter Stadium as they should feast well on the Division 1-AA Grambling State Tigers.&#160 Vegas doesn’t have a line on this game yet (I’ll edit this if/when it comes out), but hopefully TCU’s learned the lesson about having squash for a first meal.

Saturday evening, Florida A&M is the sacrificial lamb for Bob Stoops and fifth-ranked Oklahoma.&#160 Vegas is probably not even gonna rate this&#160 game.&#160 We should see a lot of Blake Bell and the rest of the second- and third-teamers – say, starting in the middle of the second quarter.

Later on that night, we’ll see what should be a pretty good matchup:&#160 Bo Pelini’s 16th-ranked Nebraska Cornhuskers at the LA Coliseum to take on what looks to be not a bad UCLA Bruins squad.&#160 The Cubbies hung half a hundred on Rice last week – and while it’s not uncommon to kick the Owls around like that, it’s usually only the good teams that score that much on ’em.

Vegas, however, has the Huskers as a 5-point road favorite, so maybe they’re still a little gun-shy.&#160 Or they think that Rick Neuheisel’s still coaching ’em, one or the other.

Bucky’s reward for scaring the daylights out of us all against Northern Iowa was a drop in the polls to number 13.&#160 They’ll be taking it out on the road versus Oregon State Saturday.&#160 OSU’s good, but I don’t think the Badgers are gonna be in that good a mood, so…

And finally on Saturday, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames come back down in weight class when they host Norfolk State in their home opener.&#160 The Spartans laid a 24-0 shallacking on Virginia State Saturday, but if Liberty can play like they did against Wake Forest, I like their chances here.

We’re back Sunday or thereabouts with the recap.&#160 In the meantime…not sure where exactly you are, HDD, but you’re in the Realm’s thoughts & prayers, nevertheless.&#160 (Or are you hiding because you’re worried about what the Beavers might do to Bucky? (grin))

This week my brother begins round two of chemotherapy for pancreatic cancer. Round one was oral chemo and radiation treatment which he completed with few side effects. Round two is intravenous and he has been told that it is rougher on the body. Please keep him in your prayers.

I.&#160 DON’T.&#160 MOTHER.&#160 FUCKING.&#160 THINK!!!&#160 SO!!!!

One step closer, Demoscum.

One.&#160 Fucking.&#160 Step.&#160 Closer.

Y’know, Week 1 is generally supposed to be Squash Week in college football.&#160 WTF?

Arlington Heights 13, Birdville 50

#4 Oklahoma 24, at UTEP 7

at #17 Nebraska 49, Southern Miss 20

at #12 Wisconsin 26, Northern Iowa 21

Liberty 17, at Wake Forest 20

at Dallas 30, Miami 13

Gee, y’think that Birdville was a bit pissed off?

After being eliminated by Fort Worth Arlington Heights in the first round of last year’s Class 4A Division I playoffs, the Birdville Hawks got revenge, routing the Yellow Jackets 50-13 at Birdville Fine Arts/Athletic Complex on Friday night.

The Hawks scored on six of their seven first-half possessions and finished with 445 total yards with 308 yards in the first half.

Now, Birdville’s no slouch.&#160 But it’s gonna be a looooooong year for my Yellow Jackets.

—

Bucky didn’t start well, but had Northern Iowa at 26-7 with twelve and a half to go in the game, then went to sleep and let UNI score twice within five minutes, then had to tip a 4th-down pass to seal the win.

New Badger quarterback Danny O’Brien was 19-26-219 & two scores, and Heisman candidate Montee Ball ran for 120 and a touchdown for Wisconsin.

—

In like fashion, Turner Gill’s Liberty Flames – heretofore slated to be squash-ees – began the fourth quarter tied at 14 at the end of three, but allowed a Deandre Martin touchdown with just over 13 minutes remaining.&#160 Earlier, new Liberty quarterback Brian Hudson threw a pick-six to the Demon Deacons’ AJ Marshall to tie the score at 14.

—

Nebraska had to score in the final minute of the first half just to make it 28-17.

Yeah, they jumped out to a 14-0 lead – Rex Burkhead had a nice 57-yard scamper on a good-looking counter-trey, and Taylor Martinez showed off new throwing mechanics on a 26-yard lob to Kenny Bell – but Southern Miss scored on the ensuing kickoff, then threw a TD pass of its own about eight minutes later, tying the game before Martinez threw another TD pass to Jake Long four minutes after that.

The Huskers broke the game open with three touchdowns – two of them on more TD passes from Martinez, who had five total as part of a 26-34-354 day (no picks).&#160 He’s looking better than he did last year, but he did have a tendency to revert to old habits from last year.&#160 If he continues to improve, the Huskers will be a force in the Big Ten.

—

Someone forgot to tell the Sooners the season started Saturday night.

Landry Jones faced pressure on nearly every snap, had trouble finding his receivers.

The running game bogged down most of the night. The specials teams allowed two blocked kicks, one that led to a touchdown.

“We just weren’t in synch,” Jones said. “It was one of those things where we would have flashes of greatness, but it wouldn’t be all as a team. But we came out with a W and that’s what we’re shooting for.”

In addition, UTEP blocked a Sooner punt, leading to its only points of the night.&#160 But they were points that put them out in front, and a team that should never have lead OU at all was tied with them five minutes into the third quarter.

But Michael Hunnicutt kicked a 38-yard field goal, and Landry Jones threw a TD pass to Brannon Green to go with the one he threw Kenny Stills in the first quarter to help the Sooners pull away – part of a 21-36-222 night for Jones.

But if they play like that the rest of the way, look for them in the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl. If that.

—

Not much point in recapping Cowboy-Dolphin, except to say that Dwayne Harris had another nice night, helping him seal his place on the team; several other nice performances led to practice-squad spots for a number of players.&#160 But in a nice change of pace, our reserves beat the crap out of someone else’s, which was good to see.

This week:&#160 4-1 (C’boyz doesn’t count, and Liberty kept it way under 50, so that counts).&#160 Perfect Football Weekend achieved (executive fiat) (1).

MERLIN:&#160 What?

KORRIOTH:&#160 Huh?

VENOMOUS:&#160 Simple, gentlemen:

at Penn State 14, Ohio University 24

Smurf Turf Fuckhead State 13, at Michigan State 17

Michigan State scored late to spoil Widdle Cwissy Peterson’s perfect season-opener record.&#160 Not quite as easy, is it Cwissy, when the other team isn’t impressed with your “trickeration” bullshit, is it???&#160

And Billie-boy O’Brien got painfully reminded that he’s got some pretty damned big shoes to fill, and the bastards across America who wanted to hang JoePa without a trial got it shoved right back up their skanky asses.

Revenge is a dish best served cold.&#160 Very&#160 cold.

The PFW returns Wednesday, when it will paint a picture of the penultimate NY Football Douchebag fan.

On the eve of the Demoscum National circle jerk Convention circle-jerk, we have a report from the Department of Brilliant Metaphors&#153 about Bambi’s Mt. Rushmore-like “bust” coming to an appropriate end:

A torrential downpour that struck Charlotte Saturday afternoon damaged the Mount Rushmore-style sand sculpture bust of President Obama — an ominous beginning to what many fear is a plagued convention.

Workers were trying Saturday afternoon to reform the base of the sculpture, built from sand brought in from Myrtle Beach, S.C., pounding and smoothing out the sand that had washed off the facade of the waist-up rendering of the chief executive.

The sand sculpture was protected from above, and Mr. Obama’s face didn’t see too much damage. But the storm was so strong that its heavy winds blew the rain sideways, pelting the president’s right side and leaving the sand pockmarked and completely erasing his right elbow.

Appropos for this regime, I’d think.

Denizens, the Comment of the Month&#153 comes from someone moniker’d “Love of Country” over at Twitchy.&#160 (Yeah, it’s Malicious Malkin’s site – so what?)

Below the fold, ’cause it’s rather long – but it’s Well Worth Your Time&#153.&#160 So click it awready, hm?

YES I CAN – Give thanks to the state run media for making all things possible
YES I CAN – Make the largest number of BROKEN PROMISES ever
YES I CAN – Enable the largest number of home forclosures ever
YES I CAN – Promise a new era of civility and then deliberately rip the country in two with unseen fervor and resolve
YES I CAN – Create the largest number of AGENDA-SETTING FAILURES ever
YES I CAN – Make the largest number of SELF-SERVING SPEECHES ever
YES I CAN – Have an incompetent, brown-nosing tax cheat for Secretary of Treasury
YES I CAN – Finally admit Hope and Change was merely a calculated rouse for gullible , low information, racist trolls
YES I CAN – KiII you, an American citizen, with a predator drone if I think you just might deserve it
YES I CAN – Lie my way into two illegal wars while falsely accusing my predecessor of the same thing
YES I CAN – Give ENTITLEMENT PROGRAMS for ILLEGAL ALIENS
YES I CAN – Have sanctuary cities for illegals
YES I CAN – Create the largest DEFICIT ever
YES I CAN – Champion the life long slacker while publicly demonizing those who did everything by the book
YES I CAN – Make ad hominem attacks against the GOP in evey single speech I ever make
YES I CAN – Expand the powers of Eminent Domain to seize YOUR property …
YES I CAN – Tell my Justice Dept not to prosecute bIack people if the accuser is white
YES I CAN – Fail to punish the BIack Panthers who were on film intimidating voters at the voting station with weapons
YES I CAN – Do nothing about the Gulf oil spill for two months
YES I CAN – TAX, BORROW & SPEND 5 TRILLION dollars after promising PAY-GO
YES I CAN – Tell Latinos that Republicans are their ENEMIES and fan the flames of racism for political gain
YES I CAN – Spend millions in legal fees to keep my real birth certificate hidden
YES I CAN – Run and ruin YOUR life
YES I CAN – Increase the size of government
YES I CAN – Spend YOUR TAX DOLLARS on failed programs
YES I CAN – Maliciously slander the Tea Party while PRAISING union thugs
YES I CAN – Put more people on the Govt dole to rob them of their drive and dignity for political gain
YES I CAN – Continue all of Bush’s National Defense policies after tirelessly painting him as the Devil
YES I CAN – Create more unnecessary, crippling regulations
YES I CAN – Create more wasteful spending
YES I CAN – Be the first president to require all Americans to purchase a product from a third party
YES I CAN – Appear on MSNBC and say Fox News is not really a news organization
YES I CAN – Tell congress to pass the Dream Act for illegal aliens
YES I CAN – Sue Arizona for defending itself from ILLEGAL ALIENS
YES I CAN – Increase GOVERNMENT CORRUPTION 20 Fold
YES I CAN – Take over banks, auto manufacturers and the economy
YES I CAN – Call any and all spending cuts pure evil when proposed by Republicans
YES I CAN – Cause the credit rating in America to fall for the first time ever
YES I CAN – Gladly add 15 million slackers to Food Stamps
YES I CAN – Bow to other world leaders like a TRAINED FLEA
YES I CAN – Earnestly promote union card check strictly for purposes of intimidation to CONTROL who YOU vote for
YES I CAN – Feign and scream racism when an Arizona Governor enforces immigration laws
YES I CAN – Fill my cabinent with unelected czars like self avowed Communists Van Jones and Anita Dunn
YES I CAN – Shut down oil drilling on Public lands and take credit for all the drilling done during the Bush Administration
YES I CAN – Turn the highest office of the land into a laughingstock of the world at your expense …. your kids’, too
YES I CAN – Take several vacations while millions of gallons of oil leak into the gulf and destroy whitey’s way of life
YES I CAN – Force healthcare down America’s throat that 76 % opposed
YES I CAN – Be the most non transparent president of all times
YES I CAN – Take a 17 day vacation during the worst economy in decades
YES I CAN – Make sure GE pays no taxes on 15 billion dollars worth of profits
YES I CAN – Tell 1000 lies and FULLY EXPECT the State Run Media to completely ignore, spin, or bury all of them
YES I CAN – By-pass Congress and implement the Dream Act through executive fiat
YES I CAN – Give a great speech until the TELEPROMPTER goes down….
YES I CAN – Divide the USA like never seen since the Civil war
YES I CAN – Keep my main agenda to turn the USA into a SOCIALIST FAILURE
YES I CAN – Blame anything that goes wrong on my watch on the last administration even after 4 years
YES I CAN – Apply for college aid as a foreign student and then pretend it never happened
YES I CAN – Create 450,000 new govt jobs and dozens of new bureaucracies …. all paid for with your taxes
YES I CAN – Visit all 57 states
YES I CAN – Forget how old my daughters are
YES I CAN – Subvert the American people at every conceivable turn
YES I CAN – Speak Austrian
YES I CAN – Speak from a teleprompter at my kids’ birthday parties
YES I CAN – Be the TROJAN HORSE that brings America to her knees
YES I CAN – Promise to cut the deficit in half and then more than double it
YES I CAN – File lawsuits against half a dozen states
YES I CAN – Have a portrait of Mao Tse Tung on my Whitehouse Christmas Tree ornaments
YES I CAN – Have the fastest dive in popularity ever for a President
YES I CAN – Take dozens of uber lavish vacations at YOUR expense during the economic crisis of a lifetime
YES I CAN – Destroy the oil and gas industry and blame the Republicans with the aid of the state-run-media
YES I CAN – Count on LAZY, RACIST, FOOLS to vote for me AGAIN in 2012
YES I CAN – Operate on infinite spin cycle and hope no one catches on
YES I CAN – Have the FCC illegally take over the internet
YES I CAN – Give the nuclear advantage to the Russians and give the nuke to Iran
YES I CAN – Start a war in Libya and by-pass going to congress for approval
YES I CAN – Say the Cambridge Police acted stupidly
YES I CAN – Violate the War Powers Act
YES I CAN – Have a hearty laugh with my henchmen over the lack of shovel ready jobs
YES I CAN – Tell the Russians I will have much more flexibility after the elections
YES I CAN – Turn the EPA into the fascist arm of my government
YES I CAN – Have sanctuary cities for illegals
YES I CAN – Provide guns for drug cartels to use against us and kiII our BORDER AGENTS
YES I CAN – Support Palestine while throwing Israel under the bus
YES I CAN – Be the most partisan president of all times inspite of my numerous campaign promises to the contrary
YES I CAN – Create the largest DEFICIT ever …. we’re talking biblical proportions, people
YES I CAN – Champion the life long slacker while publicly demonizing/castigating those who did everything by the book
YES I CAN – Burn 9000 gallons of jet fuel on Earth Day
YES I CAN – Kick Republicans in the teeth in EVERY single speech I ever make
YES I CAN – Expand the powers of Eminent Domain to seize YOUR property …. my reasons are little of your business
YES I CAN – Tell my Justice Dept not to prosecute bIack people if the accuser is white
YES I CAN – Fail to punish the BIack Panthers who were on film intimidating voters at the voting station with weapons
YES I CAN – Wait two months to start helping those white Repunlicans whose businesses were hurt by the gulf oil spill
YES I CAN – TAX, BORROW & SPEND 5 TRILLION dollars after promising PAY-GO
YES I CAN – Tell Latinos that Republicans are their ENEMIES and fan the flames of racism for political gain
YES I CAN – Spend millions in legal fees to keep my real birth certificate hidden
YES I CAN – Run and ruin YOUR life
YES I CAN – Increase the size of government
YES I CAN – Spend YOUR TAX DOLLARS on failed programs
YES I CAN – Maliciously slander the Tea Party while PRAISING union thugs
YES I CAN – Put more people on the Govt dole to rob them of their drive and dignity for political gain
YES I CAN – Continue all of Bush’s National Defense policies after tirelessly painting him as the Devil
YES I CAN – Create more unnecessary, crippling regulations
YES I CAN – KiII NASA
YES I CAN – Be against Chick-fil-A
YES I CAN – Be against fracking
YES I CAN – Be against farmers
YES I CAN – Be against cattle ranchers
YES I CAN – Be against budgets
YES I CAN – Be against home Bible studies
YES I CAN – Be against state’s rights
YES I CAN – Be against the unborn
YES I CAN – Be against gold miners in Alaska
YES I CAN – Overturn Welfare Reform and make it 10x easier for lazy recipients to milk the system in return for votes
YES I CAN – Have a father who was a radical revolutionary communist
YES I CAN – Have a step father who was a radical revolutionary communist
YES I CAN – Have a mother who was a radical revolutionary communist
YES I CAN – Have a grandmother who was a radical revolutionary communist
YES I CAN – Have a high school mentor who was a radical revolutionary communist
YES I CAN – Start a race war
YES I CAN – Start a class war
YES I CAN – Start a gender war
YES I CAN – Start a generational war
YES I CAN – Praise State Run Media while bashing Fox, the very salvation of America and American values
YES I CAN – Give waivers to all groups who supported Owebamacare in the most profoundly disturbing hypocrisy ever
YES I CAN – Produce 1/2 of 1% of all the power we need as a nation with Green energy so let’s stop drilling now
YES I CAN – Play golf and fill out brackets at the same time
YES I CAN – Personify hypocrisy, racism, subversion and fascism all at the same time
YES I CAN – Sue more states than anyone thought possible or certainly ever imagined
YES I CAN – Shut down the Gulf while investing in Petrobras and other George Soros owned entities
YES I CAN – Effectively put every American in the country at each others’ throats
YES I CAN – Have a social security number from a state I never lived in
YES I CAN – Destroy the human spirit on the Left with entitlement addiction in exchange for political power
YES I CAN – Laugh at all the fools who believed me when I said I had shovel-ready jobs
YES I CAN – Attack the constitution to such a degree that even my own Secret Service cannot respect me
YES I CAN – Destroy the oil and gas industry while telling you I’m the only reason for their current success
YES I CAN – Turn my back on the keystone pipeline cause I want 8 dollar a gallon gasoline
YES I CAN – Get all of my talking points from Media Matters …. same goes for MSDNC
YES I CAN – Aspire to 8 dollar gallons of gasoline and try my best to blame it on Republicans
YES I CAN – Act like Solyndra and Fast and Furious were no big deal and deny justice for Brian Terry’s family
YES I CAN – Abate and annul bankruptcy law and turn over control of companies to union supporters
YES I CAN – Destroy the USA
YES I CAN – Be from Kenya

YES I CAN – Be One and Done!

—

Damn.&#160 Just, damn.

Well done, LoC.&#160 (Even if it is&#160 a C&P job, nice catch.)

Damn, who knew that Widdle Billie Maher was such a nadless, dickless, cowardly little POS chickenshit pussy?

Oh.&#160 Wait.&#160 That’s right.

Everybody knows that.

UPDATE:&#160 And Bambi’s response to Clint’s speech last night?

Not for long, it ain’t.

O beautiful, for spacious skies,
For amber waves of grain,
For purple mountain majesties
Above the fruited plain…!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Okay, guys, we gotta hurry here.

KORRIOTH:&#160 All hands on deck!

OZY McCOOL:&#160 Jeez, lookit the time!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Awright, ready everyone?

CREW:&#160 Aye, sir!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Okay, here we go…

The first official Perfect Football Weekend&#153 of the season kicks off…

ALL (including VENOMOUS) (staccato):&#160 CORNY!!!

VENOMOUS:&#160 Thank you, all.

…kicks off with the news that the NFL is going to use replacement zebras for at least the first game…and maybe beyond that.

The NFL will open the regular season next week with replacement officials and said it was prepared to use them “as much … as necessary” afterward.

Replacements will be on the field beginning next Wednesday night when the Dallas Cowboys visit the New York Giants to open the season, league executive Ray Anderson told the 32 teams. Negotiations are at a standstill between the NFL and the officials’ union.

The NFL Referees Association was locked out in early June and talks on a new collective bargaining agreement have gone nowhere. Replacements have been used throughout the preseason, with mixed results.

They could hire chimpanzees in striped shirts to do these games, if you ask me – as long as they’ll fucking call the holding the New York Football Douchebags commit on EVERY FUCKING PLAY, AWRIGHT?!?!?!

Let’s get on with it.&#160 As I write this, the Cowboyz are hosting the Miami Dolphins, up 20-6 as we start the third.&#160 Matt Moore’s in at QB for the Fins, and he doesn’t look anything&#160 like the rookie that so impressed as a Cowboy.&#160 One wonders if he’ll even make the final cut.

Friday night is Week Zero for my Arlington Heights Yellow Jackets and their new coach, Todd Whitten.&#160 But unlike previous years, it’s not the Hornets in Azle – it’s the Buffaloes Hawks in Haltom City (aka Birdville).

Uh, oh.&#160 Birdvills is traditionally good.&#160 The Whitten era will not begin well.

Saturday evening (late&#160 Saturday evening), Bob Stoops and his 4th-ranked Oklahoma Sooners might – might – break a sweat against the Miners of UTEP.&#160 Landry Jones & the rest of the first-teamers play a half.

Saturday afternoon, 17th-ranked Nebraska will play host to the Southern Mississippi Golden Sh…uh, Eagles.&#160 (Sorry, Vicar.&#160 Old habits die hard.)&#160 Southern Miss is a 20-point road dog, and for good reason:&#160 At home, they’re world-beaters.&#160 On the road?&#160 Meh, not so much.&#160 Nebraska should cover.

Also Saturday afternoon, 12th-ranked Wisconsin will feast on Northern Iowa Panther up at Camp Randall.&#160 Vegas hasn’t put a line on this one, which should tell you something.&#160 Bucky gets fourth-stringers in here.

And…we have a last-minute entry to the PFW:&#160 The Liberty Flames of the Big South conference.

Why, you ask?

Have you noticed I haven’t mentioned Turner Gill up until now?

Well, guess who I found?

Turner’s been hired as the head football coach at Liberty.&#160 (That is&#160 Jerry Falwell’s Liberty, in case you were wondering.)&#160 They will take on Wake Forest – yes, that&#160 Wake Forest – and this is another game that Vegas isn’t rating.

Therefore…as long as Liberty keeps it within 99, we’ll call it a win and be grateful.

In other action, Penn State (hack, spit) is at home against Ohio University…and while Vegas has State -6&#189, I’m not convinced that Ohio U. doesn’t win this game outright.

We’re back Monday or so for the recap.&#160 In the meantime, my question for HDD is…red or white wine with NIU Panther?

Paging the Vicar, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

Vicar, please pick up the nearest white courtesy phone.

Folks sorry about the interruption, but can we all stop for a moment and say a prayer for all the people on the Gulf Coast that have been or will be in the path of Isaac and/or the accompanying rain. By now I’m sure you’ve seen the beating that this Category 1 storm (which is now seemingly parked over central Louisiana as a tropical storm) that first Florida and now Alabama, Mississippi as well as Louisiana are being handed. Not to mention say one as well for the emergency responders, other aid workers, and friends/neighbors/relatives who are en route or already on the ground assisting those affected.

We here in the Southern Command are sure that once again the most charitable nation and people in the entire world will do whatever is necessary to lend a hand to those in need. Without the gubmint telling us to, or moving a finger to do the same themselves.

Thank you and ThatIsAll&#153.