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August 24, 2006

PFW:  Well, that  didn't take long...

When Widdle Terri Owens put a pen to a Cowboys contract, local wags here started a pool on just when he'd start acting like the asshole he is.

Some postulated that he'd wait until the bonuses kicked in during the contract's second year, as has been his pattern whereever he's gone.  Other, more cynical pundits didn't think it'd take that long, noting that Bill Parcells is a harder-assed coach than either Andy "Fat Ass" Reid or Stevie "How about a nice round of Kum Ba Yah?" Mariucci, Widdle Terri's previous two bosses.

Score one for the cynics.

At issue, as it has been for weeks now, is when, if ever, Owens will quit using his hamstring tweak as an excuse not to practice. He has ruled himself out for Saturday night’s preseason game with San Francisco at Texas Stadium, the third Cowboys’ preseason game he’s skipped, and hinted strongly that he might not make another appearance in a Dallas uniform before the season opener in Jacksonville Sept. 10.

That news prompted a quick response from Parcells when he addressed the media Wednesday.

“I wouldn’t put a player out there if I haven’t seen him practice,” Big Bill deadpanned.

As it damned well should be.  This isn't a game of 11-on-10-and-here's-one-guy-out-here-doing-his-own-thing.  This is a team sport - you play as a team, and you damned well practice  as a team, too.

But in this test of two very strong wills, t.o. (I refuse to even capitalize his initials) isn’t flinching.

“If he wants to see something,” Owens said of Parcells, “he has 10 years of film he can go back and look on.”

Yeah, you dumb shit.  He has 10 years of you running routes in that limp-wristed, pansy-assed, two-yard-dump-and-run-away West Coast Offense.

Last I checked, we didn't run the WCO here. (Granted, I'm not sure what the Hell™ we do  run - but we tried the WCO once, and figured out a way to fuck it up.  Then again, it was  Bruce Coslet coordinating it...but I digress.)

The routes aren't the same, the blocking schemes aren't the same, the blitz-pickup-packages aren't the same...need I go on?

What happens, Widdle Terri, the first time a play calls for you to run an out route, and you fall back into your pansy-assed WCO habits and run a crossing route?  Hmmm?

Now get your ugly ass back out on the field, and be damned  glad I'm not the coach, or you'd have a lot more to worry about than your hammy - courtesy of the meanest, baddest-assed lineman I had.

Let's get to this week's games.  Miami's Dolphins will tackle the Panthers in Carolina tonight on Fox; Pittsburgh & Philadelphia stage their annual cross-state preseason rivalry in the City of Brotherly Shove tomorrow night on ESPN; Houston travels to Denver to play the Broncos Sunday night on the NFL Network, and it'll be Favre vs. Palmer as Green Bay goes to Cincinnati Monday night.

Saturday night, the Cowboys are at home against the San Transexual Fairy Whiners, which is a good time to give a shout-out to all the guys over at the 49er Haters Society (formerly at www.49erhaters.com)...except they seem to not exist anymore.

Pity.

Anyway, with a year under his belt, Alex Smith should pose a stronger test for the Cowboy defense than what they've seen the last two weeks.  It'll be interesting to see.

We're back Tuesday for something resembling a recap.  It's your turn now to ramble on incoherently about your teams, so get busy.

Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at August 24, 2006 06:59 PM

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Comments

Posted by: Alan K. Henderson at August 26, 2006 02:28 AM

Posted by: Alan K. Henderson at August 27, 2006 01:39 AM

Posted by: Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at August 27, 2006 07:29 AM

Posted by: SkipSmith at September 13, 2006 03:10 AM

Posted by: Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at September 13, 2006 05:52 AM