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October 24, 2007
Like their what????
[Scene: aboard the bridge of Pegasus. His Rudeness™ is quietly seated in his command chair, focused intently (or pretending to be) on the latest engineering reports furnished him by Ozymandias McCool. T-Bone McManx is busily upgrading a few circuits in the communications console. Tactical officer K'hadibak'h amuses himself with a miniature holo-Nintendo game of anbo-jitsu. Various other technicians & bridge personnel are intent on their tasks around the bridge.
Without warning, the turbolife doors explode outward with a huge CRASH, causing everyone to jump three feet in the air. Lord Spatula & K'hadibak'h have whirled around, weapons at the ready - K'ha with a disruptor, Spats with the purple lightsaber given to him by his friend and next-door-system neighbor, Emperor Misha.
Standing in what used to be the turbolift doorway is His Rudeness' executive officer, Korrioth. Needless to say, the Klingon-Vulcan hybrid is not terribly happy at the moment.]
KORRIOTH: So help me Fec'lar, I will KILL the human p'tahk who wrote this targ shit!!!!
LSIK&T (looking around kinda nervously - the last time Korrioth was this angry, it cost Spats half the engineering crew): Uh, Kor? What's the problem, before you rip a hole in my ship and send us all into space?
KORRIOTH: HAVE YOU READ THIS?!?!?!?!
Beings from other worlds have excited the popular imagination since the Bronze Age: Both The Old Testament and the Sanskrit epics describe strange beings coming to Earth in flying machines.
LSIK&T: Well, I rather doubt that about the Old Testament, but that's no reason...
KORRIOTH: FURTHER DOWN!!!!
40: Ming The MercilessAlthough doomed to be regularly trounced by Flash Gordon, Sir Menzies Campbell is not a suspiciously Asiatic-looking alien warlord. That distinction falls to Ming the Merciless, villain of King Features’ long running Flash Gordon franchise which has spanned cinema serials, comics, and a superbly scored feature film. His appearance has become markedly more reptilian and less evidently racist in recent adaptations, but he remains the number one extraterrestrial emperor.
LSIK&T: Well, obviously he's never met Misha...
OZY MCCOOL: Or Palpatine for that matter...
[Korrioth sends McCool flying across the bridge with a solid backhand.]
KORRIOTH: FURTHER!!!!!
39: The VisitorsThe antagonists in the successful miniseries ‘V’ and its spinoffs were mouse-eating reptiles who visited Earth cunningly disguised as humans in order to lull mankind into a sense of misplaced camaraderie. Once the deception was discovered an armed resistance to the newcomers was formed, which was just as well as it transpired later in the series that the mice were merely an appetiser and we were the main course. Proof, if proof were needed, that people who look like lizards can’t be trusted.
LSIK&T: Actually, I always thought Jane Badler was kinda hawt...
[Korrioth has strode over to where Spats is standing. His Rudeness™ very nearly cringes.]
KORRIOTH: FUR!!! THER!!! DOWN!!!!!!
LSIK&T: Hmmm...lessee...Romulans...Chigs, whoever they are...Cylons...Smash Robots...Klingons...Kor, why doesn't this make you happy? They think you're a hotter commodity than the Romulans, after all.
KORRIOTH: REEEEEEEAD IT, DAAAAAAAAAMITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!
31: KlingonsLike their cousins the Romulans, the Klingons
LSIK&T: Uh, oh.
OZY MCCOOL: Enlightenment dawns.
T-BONE MCMANX: I get it now.
KORRIOTH: K'HADIBAK'H!!!!! SET COURSE FOR EARTH!!!! MAXIMUM WARP!!!!!
[K'hadibak'h glances at Lord Spatula, unable to hide the pleading in his face - he's Klingon, as well, and he's suffering just like Korrioth, probably worse.]
LSIK&T: You heard the Klingon, Kha. We're going hunting.
And so it was that a certain gaggle of reporters & reporter-ettes located on a certain island-country in the Atlantic Ocean met their end some hours later at the hands of two very pissed-off Klingons and their custom-crafted-at-Kronos painsticks. And there was much screaming, weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth. And two particular Klingons enjoyed every last nanosecond of it.
The moral of the story: Never tell a Klingon he's related to a Romulan. Never. 
Posted by Lord Spatula I, King & Tyrant at October 24, 2007 08:17 PM
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Comments
Is that as bad as calling a Texan a Yankee?
Posted by: David Hartung at October 25, 2007 06:45 PM
No Minbari, Narn, Centari, Vorlons, or Shadows? They just don't get it, do they?
Posted by: Blackiswhite, Imperial Agent Provocateur at October 25, 2007 09:58 PM
Chigs and Clangers on the list? Some weird affirmative action goin' on here.
Klingons do have cousins on Earth - Mongols.
I have no argument with the #1 entry.
Posted by: Alan K. Henderson at October 31, 2007 10:17 AM